The Greatest Gift

Most of us need someone to be there for us at some time in our lives and maybe, even be available to listen to others? Surely, this is the greatest gift we can give to another? To really listen.


I want you to listen.

You see ...
I have an ache inside;
a sort of pain,
that really hurts.
It’s been there ...
since I was a child.
I’ve tried to ignore it,
cover it over,
but it won’t go away.
It’s coming to the boil.

Can you listen and
put your agenda to one side?
Give me your attention,
and be there for me?

I don’t want you to fix it
or make it better.
I just need to know
I’ve been heard,
and just possibly ...
understood.

I need to know
I’m safe with you,
that you won’t tell,
because I’m afraid
and ashamed
of what may come out.

But ...

You’re looking at your watch.
Your gaze is elsewhere.
Am I boring you?
Yes,
I know you have problems.
Perhaps another time?

Wayfarerjon

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear." - Winnie the Pooh

“Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1: 19 New International Version

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Christian Healing - 5 Abiding

Abiding is absolutely key. This is where our Christian walk starts and continues to be maintained. When we make our home with Jesus the Bible comes alive and we begin to be in tune with God.

In our need for healing, it is in this heart to heart relationship that God hears our cry. This is where we hear His Word and especially those living personal Words just for us. Words that bring hope and life into our situation. But this is where the battle really commences. Satan just does not like this.

We may become aware of Satan’s lies, as fear and doubt try to get a hold. Taunts like “Who do you think you are?” or “Come on get real, you don’t really believe this do you?!” But as we continue to abide in Him surrounded by His love, we are safe from all the flaming arrows and missiles that come our way. They just cannot touch us. As we shelter wrapped in Father’s cloak we are assured of His comfort and His victory.

Pain and discomfort can cause us to sink and make it difficult to keep our focus on Him. Pain is very wearing and at worst it feels like trying to see through a fog. At such times I feel the only thing to do - and the best - is to surrender in complete trust. Throw ourselves into Father’s arms knowing He will fight the battle for us and bring us through.

Our focus of course, is not on the promised healing, but on the Promiser and Healer, so the bottom line is absolute surrender. This gives the Holy Spirit absolute freedom to move in our lives, whenever and however. The opposite to this is complaining - which I am well familiar with - and only serves to prolong the process. Unconditional yielding to God is tantamount to saying, ‘I yield to you Father whether you heal me or not.’ This may seem paradoxical, but it’s no different to saying we have to ‘lose our life to gain it.’ Knowing God will do what he said he will do, means we can do this. We trust Him. This is such a simple childlike heart action, but I for one have found it not easy and has often taken some crisis to bring it about.

I’ve said nothing so far about the medical profession and healing. I have no doubt that God works through doctors and treatments. Where would we be without them? But I’m not sure I would describe it as divine healing. Doctors do not have all the answers and some prescribed drugs are toxic with side effects that can have a drastic effect upon our quality of life. Enough said.

God does a proper job.

“Whoever goes to the LORD for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty, can say to him, "You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in you I trust." He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases.” Psalm 91:1-3 Good News Bible

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, then you will ask for anything you wish, and you shall have it.” John 15:7 Good News Bible

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Daddy, My Daddy!

We watched the delightful film adaptation of E. Nesbit's novel "The Railway Children" - the original version - again the other week.

I am always touched by the scene where the elder daughter woke one morning feeling 'strange' and said she had to be alone. She went down to the railway station and a train pulled in. The platform emptied, but as the train pulled away, there in the distance emerging from a cloud of steam, was her father. This was her father she hadn't seen for several years. She exclaimed, "Daddy, my Daddy!"

Some of us come from families that were in part dysfunctional and so haven't experienced the degree of fathering that we really needed as children. Not their fault, that's just how it was. The wonderful thing as Christians, is that we can experience the Father's love. When we reach out and express our need for Him, he comes running towards us. It's what he is waiting for.

At a time when the child in me was deeply touched and moved by the closeness of Father God, I experienced this intimate impromptu moment. I have never written a song before, but these words, simple and personal, just burst out as I walked along the beach. I offer them to you, as they are, unfinished. There was a tune too, but I didn't’ write that down.

Father Oh Father
I love you I do
I want you to come and love me too
I want to feel you close to me
To walk and talk and play with me
How I love you Father I do
I love to dance and walk with you
I love to see the twinkle in your eyes.

Son, Oh son, I feel so proud
When you come and reach out your hand;
Something happens inside of me
When you want to walk and talk with me.

Daddy, O daddy, I love you too
I love to dance and skip with you,
Come and put your arms around me.

"So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20 New International Version

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Are You Saying - ?

The following statement may be acceptable to most people, even though it is challenging. This may be particularly so, if like me, you were brought up with a strong work ethic, even believing you will only get ‘somewhere’ by your own efforts.

The Kingdom of God is a magnificent thing, more valuable than anything we could ever own. If this is what we desire then we must be prepared to give up some things that are standing in the way. This is true, but I believe there is a truer interpretation of the verse quoted at the bottom of this post.

Are you saying to me that Someone
has been seeking me out all this time
and watching over me all these years
because he wants me more than anything else,
wants to lavish his love upon me for ever and ever
and has given up all that is precious, even his life?
For me?

Are you saying to me that this Someone
has a great longing for me and
thinks I am amazingly beautiful and lovable,
a rare treasure beyond compare?
What me?
With all my defects, warts, ugly thoughts and failings?
Me!!!!

This is too hard for me to understand
I just can’t get my head round it.
But somehow, it touches something deep down within me
more than I can say.
I ---

"Also, the Kingdom of heaven is like this. A man is looking for fine pearls, and when he finds one that is unusually fine, he goes and sells everything he has, and buys that pearl.” Matthew 13:45-46 Good News Bible

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Listen My People

Our French teacher at grammar (high) school loved her subject and her pupils. She was strict but we knew she had our interests at heart. Somehow we couldn’t help but catch her infectious enthusiasm. As she breezed into the classroom, gown flowing behind her, “Bonjour mes eleves,” we all stood and replied in unison, “Bonjour Mademoiselle Saul.”

She was dedicated to getting us all through the final examination and although she was very understanding and patient, she expected the same dedication from us. For example, she didn’t just want us to write the language, but wanted perfect pronunciation - not easy for our lazy English tongues. She made sure we were listening, “Ecoutez mes eleves,” and woe betide any student who persistently failed to pay attention for the full forty minutes. A brief display of calculated anger and an Order Mark or even worse, the dreaded Detention would come winging their way.

When the day of the exam finally dawned, I found I could draw upon much of what I had stored away from the lessons. And to our surprise and the delight of our French Mistress, we nearly all passed and had our certificates to prove it.

Does God have our full attention and do we really listen?

He has sacrificed His only Son, given us His Presence, His Word and made His Power available to us and put everything in place for us to receive a ‘certificate.’ It’s a done deal! What more do we want? So why, when things are going well, do we sometimes relegate God to second place in our lives? Or why when the going gets tough, do we complain and forget - Oh woe is me! - how He has led us and provided for us in the past?

Our answers of course are varied and personal. But it is just possible that we may hear something, that if acted upon, may change our lives for ever.

“Listen, my people, to my teaching, and pay attention to what I say.” Psalm 78 Good News Bible

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The Battle Without

Although I didn’t realise it at the time, the retreat we attended in October was God-arranged, to prepare me for what was to come in the following weeks. This was especially so with the morning walk (here) which became a living picture that helped carry me through a very difficult time. It reminded me that whatever battle I was to experience, provided I put my whole trust in Jesus and abided in Him, then I would come through to a strong place and know His victory.

Within two weeks of the retreat I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, with the immediate commencement of treatment and exploratory scans. Side effects from the drugs began to kick in, leaving me drained of strength, dizzy and experiencing vertigo. On top of this I picked up an infection from the biopsy examination, which took six weeks of anti-biotic drugs to overcome.

Things were happening at such pace, that for a time I was in shock and vulnerable to all sorts of anxious thoughts. Like burning arrows they came flying my way, such as: “I’m growing old before my time.” and “You are finished - there’s no hope.” or “You’ll end your days in hospital.” and so on! I just rested in my ‘shelter’ the best way I could, wrapped in the folds of Father’s robe, so that these taunts, lies etc just bounced off. I had His Word that He would fight the battle and take me through. I was expectant, of miracles even. On some evenings, if fatigue kicked in, I just sat surrendering to Father, even though I felt and sensed nothing, but refusing to doubt.

The worst part was the waiting between the many appointments. I found some of the doctors definitely lacking in communication skills and I was left in personal doubt about the additional treatment scheduled for the new year. All I could do was leave it to God until, at the last consultation I saw another specialist who reversed the decision. I received this as God’s answer, leaving Him the freedom to act in His way and in His time.

The worst of the storm is now over. There is still a battle, but that has moved on to another phase. So far as the cancer is concerned, I believe God has my healing on course. But fundamentally I don’t really think it’s about that. Yes, the enemy was in this, but God allowed it and is using it. He wanted me to have a closer walk with him - He knew my heart - and that meant strengthening me in my weak areas, such as anxiety. The journey continues. I don’t know how things are going to plan out. I have never ever been so unsure about such things, but I am even more sure that He knows, so I put my trust in Him.

There were certain scriptures that I kept returning to such as Psalms 91 and 17 and John 15 speaking of all the benefits of abiding.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High - will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." - You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. - “Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." Psalm 91 New International Version

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I'm Losing My Grip!

I’d like to dispel the myth that men have to be strong. It goes along with the other one, “men don’t cry!’ I really believe that if we cannot acknowledge and accept our own weakness and shed a few tears, then we are going to miss out on the fullness of God in our lives. Maybe you don’t have this problem, but I admit it’s still a learning ground for me.

I had to have an examination in hospital recently and unfortunately it caused an infection. So when I woke yesterday morning and began to wonder what was happening I was feeling whoozy, dizzy, light-headed and a bit faint and could even pass out. A phone call to the surgery put me straight. It would take up to 48 hours for the antibiotic to kick in and it should subside. I struggled with this however. It’s not a nice feeling and found myself fighting to stay in control. I wanted to stay strong and in command of my senses. As I saw it, I didn’t want to lose my grip on life. Even as I mulled over those thoughts, it was as if God was saying, “Yes, let go your grip and I will grip you.”

The difference that made! The penny dropped! It was all right, it’s allowed and everyone - even my understanding wife - can manage without me today. And so for the rest of the day I was like a child. I let go into Father’s arms and slowly began to receive the comfort I needed and the promise of returning strength. I couldn’t help feeling He had allowed it - or at least was using it - for this precise purpose. And do you know - and this is not a heresy - that Father God even has mothering qualities.

How many of us, especially us he-men, think we don’t need this?

“As a mother comforts her child, so I'll comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13 The Message Bible

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The Apple of His Eye

Our garden is steep and stony. It faces the sea and affords very little shelter against the prevailing salt-laden south westerlies. It can be a hostile environment for all except the right indigenous species. So not the best place for an apple tree, but we have one right outside our kitchen window. The variety is Laxton’s Superb and it’s fruit is crisp, sweet and full of flavour. We feed it and prune it, to keep it healthy and so it doesn’t sprawl too far.

It has surpassed all expectations this year, as the blossom had set well before the strong winds threatened to spoil. Even after the birds, insects and bugs had their fill, there were still plenty for us. We have been harvesting them well into the autumn, until we were left with just one apple, tenaciously clinging on to it’s stem. I decided to leave it until it was ready to drop and each morning as I made my coffee, I regarded it’s delightful rosy globe. It was a real delight to the eye. I came to love that apple, but eventually it’s time was up and yesterday I caught it before it dropped. We had it for lunch. It had reached it’s fruity prime, the best apple we had ever tasted.

If only we would stop what we are doing and give time to stand in Father’s gaze and take in the delight He has in us. When it sinks in deep, that He thinks we are special, when we really see ourselves as he sees us, it is life-changing and sets us up for when the going gets rough.

In other words; to read His Word makes a difference, but to stop and allow God to love us is something else!

“In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye,” Deuteronomy 32:10 New International Version

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I Wanna Be The Leader

I wanna be the leader
I wanna be the leader
Can I be the leader?
Can I? I can?
Promise? Promise?
Yippee I'm the leader
I'm the leader

OK what shall we do?

This brilliant poem, “The Leader” by the English poet Roger Joseph McGough, always makes me smile. Perhaps because I identify with it, as ‘I’ve been there?’

In any group situation I often tended to take the lead and perhaps still do to some extent. It seems to come naturally. On the other hand I became aware of my predilection for being ‘centre stage,’ which was more to do with my inner ‘woundedness’ than any innate leadership quality.

During my secular career I have had various positions of leadership and like to think I did a good job. This was especially so when I became the ‘boss’ for a while, although I occasionally wonder how it would have been without the ‘badge’ of office as I do admit that the position did give me a ‘buzz’ at times. There was a danger of liking the position, but not the responsibility.

Some years ago, we were asked to write a profile for a new minister and we included the following just for starters, apart from any specific requirements:

• To have a dynamic intimate relationship with Jesus.
  
• To be still growing as a Christian and be prepared to be vulnerable and share out of this journey.
• To have a servant heart.
• To have a vision for the way forward and be able to show it.
• To have demonstrated good relationship abilities within family and fellow Christians.

The one thing I have learnt is that leadership in the Church is totally different to how it is in the world. In the Kingdom of God, where Jesus is in control, leadership is low key and comes out of being wholly available to God with a love for others, which in time may be recognised. It will also be seen that he or she knows where they are going and people will want to follow. In other words, ‘God anoints and eventually the people of God appoint.’

I believe most of us are called to show a lead in one way or another, according to our own circumstances and gifting - - and this challenges me.

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 New International Version

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Will You Go All the Way With Me?

I received a phone call the other day; personal family news that had the potential to send me into anxiety. As I was mulling this over, I felt these words come in a way that I just knew it was from God, “Will you go all the way with me?”

Now my first reaction was to think, “Strange! Why say that at this time? What’s the connection?” But my second reaction was, “Well, yes of course Lord!” I then thought it over. There were implications in this. What am I being asked to do? Does it imply that I am not going all the way and if so, what’s holding me back? I worked all this through, a process that continued for days, until I got the message.

But the real point of this, what I’m getting at, is what came next! Because in my spiritual groping with Father, in desperation I asked, “What should I do Lord? What should my response be?”

Immediately I was arrested. That word “should!” There’s no place in a love relationship for that word. Imagine saying to your loved one, your wife, husband or fiance, whoever, when they ask, “Will you trust me?” and you reply “What should I do?” Jesus is not expecting us to look up a list of rules - “Oh yes, rule 17: I must trust God!” He gives us free will. He doesn’t make us follow Him. Always there is the invitation to go further, deeper and He looks for our love response. He longs for us to respond and say “Yes!” because we really want to trust Him because we love Him.

Peter eventually went ‘all the way’ with Jesus and was led in ways he certainly wouldn’t have chosen, but just look at how God worked through Him and the difference that made to the whole of Christendom! If we go all the way with Jesus, there’s no limit to the miracles that will follow! That stirs my soul!

“The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.” John 21:17-18

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Eye to Eye

We have five delightful grandchildren. Each one is unique and we love them equally.

One of our granddaughters is a beautiful, spirited and adventurous little girl. She started out in life however, with a slight impairment, in that she had ‘muffled’ hearing. Once this was diagnosed as ‘glue ear’ and treated, a whole new world opened up for her. It did however contribute to a communication difficulty. It wasn’t always apparent, but often she would retreat into a world of her own.

Her caring parents did all they could to help her with this. One of the ways they used, was when they needed to talk with her, they would say ‘eyes!’, meaning ‘look at me, look into my eyes!’ They knew then that they would have her attention and would be able to hold a meaningful conversation.

When we look into Father’s eyes, we are immediately arrested by two things. Firstly: we experience a look of total unconditional love and acceptance. Secondly: we feel that He can see right inside us, our heart is laid bare. We cannot hide and we just want to tell it how it is.

I feel shaky inside Father
Not sure about the future
Don’t about tomorrow
or how I will make out
The only thing I’m certain about
is now, right now
just being with you
I feel safe.

You warm my heart my son
Trust me
I’ll work miracles for you
I’ll move heaven and earth for you.

"- open your eyes and see-- how good GOD is. Blessed are you who run to him." Psalm 34:8The Message Bible

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Give Me a Hug

Touch is important. Even simple fingertip contact can often convey far more than many words. I like to touch, but don't do it enough, perhaps because I don't want to offend or give the wrong impression. A neighbour of ours had recently lost his wife. I could see he was crying inside and I felt like crying with him - perhaps I should have? After a few words, I touched him on the shoulder, didn't know what else to do, but I hope it conveyed what I felt.

I like to be touched, but in the right way. I am a six-footer, but there are several larger people I can think of, who can make me flinch. There's a real beefy he-man who sometimes squeezes the living daylights out of me and a large well-endowed woman who held me so tight, I felt smothered and gasped for breath.

It’s a warming thing to share a brotherly or sisterly embrace, but we need to be sensitive to the other and their needs. Sometimes, it's seems like a ritual and can give people the impression that unless you hug you are not a real Christian.

Some years ago in our little village church, the minister decided to introduce a slot in the service where we could greet one another and share the love of Christ. I welcomed this and remember holding out my hand to the church steward. He froze on the spot, as if to say "Shake hands in church? What next?" To the other extreme, we have been in churches when, at the appropriate time, all mayhem is let loose as people clamber over chairs to anyone and everyone.

We can learn from Father. His touch is always just right. He knows what we need. There have been times, when I've have felt in need and have said "Father just hold me" He has done so with such a light touch. Rather like a child sitting on Father's knee. His arm ever-so-lightly around the shoulders, giving the freedom to linger or go.

Lets be bold and sensitive. Perhaps there is just one person waiting for the right Jesus-touch today?

"Greet one another with a holy embrace." 2 Corinthians 13:12

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Living Stones - 2

We have not long returned from a week's vacation on a hillside farm deep in the countryside. We shared a cottage with friends, a couple we don't get the chance to see too often. Not surprisingly we spent a lot of time catching up on our news.

Living in such close quarters with someone else, no matter how well you get on, can be demanding and calls for a degree of give and take. We have known of some who have gone away together and come back, not friends any more. Not so for us, as we had a really enjoyable time. We value the friendship too much to let little things get in the way. I can't help feeling though, that in part, this success was because our friends must be very special to have tolerated all my little quirks and foibles.

Ok, it was only for a week, but this makes me think about unity in the Christian context. I have seen a number of Christian groups, fellowships and even churches that have floundered or split. This may have been for good reason, but it's sad if it's because of differences over non-essential issues or because the members could not get on with each other.

When our children were small we often stayed at a Christian community centre that had quite an impact upon us. We experienced such a love and peace there, that it had a healing quality. This became widely known as they were always full. We came to learn however, that this peace didn't come cheap! Behind the scenes there was a lot of hard work in forging relationships and facing problems together. At times this was very painful and involved blood sweat and tears.

This does not come easily to me and I particularly find confrontation can be difficult. But I know this is what God wants of us and is what we should be working towards; opening our lives completely and utterly to Jesus and each other. As our lives are reshaped by contact with one other, a wall of 'living stones' is built, a people of love that can be seen and touched, that others will be drawn to.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

"- you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ" 1 Peter 2:5 New International Version

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Being an Example

I've never seen myself as a preacher or a teacher, although I have tried both. One thing I discovered, from the limited feedback I received, was that the things listeners often picked up on and remembered, were not what I intended. Or could be something I had slipped in as an afterthought or even totally unrelated..

I also realised that it's not always the words, important as they may be, that make the difference. It's more the spirit in which we speak. If we are talking out of heaviness or bitterness or anger, then that is most likely what is received; not the message we chose. On the other hand if we are so full of joy and love, that's what will come over.

It's the same with children, my wife and I soon discovered that they didn't always do what we said, but what we did! In their early childhood they copied us. They have children of their own now and we are proud of them.

We live in a small village where we are seen everyday and news travels fast. It's a bit like living in a fish bowl. I may have a Christian fish symbol on the car, I may even speak of my God, but it noted whether we live up to what we say we believe. People want to see the fruit on the tree. You don't think anyone is really listening or cares what we believe, but then suddenly one day, you are asked a pressing question, because they know who to come to.

When I decided to write on the verse below I was challenged. It's a very sobering thought that it's our attitude and the way we are, that shows the difference. On the other hand it's also a comfort. God is in the changing business. All we have to do is be ourselves and allow God into every area of our lives to change us. And then He works through us to change others. It's all God.

"- be an example for the believers in your speech, your conduct, your love, faith, and purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 Good News Bible

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Whose in Charge

Our four-year old grandson is a real boy with lots of energy which needs directing and guiding. He needs to be shown what his boundaries are, without dampening his adventurous spirit. He knows I love him and he respects me, but he will often try to see what he can get away with.

His latest tactic, when I ask him to do something is to taunt, "You're not in charge!" I have to deal with that of course, at the same time as trying to keep a straight face. I know that if he gets his own way too much he may get hurt. Like the time he steadfastly refused to wear his sandals and marched out into the garden. He was back within minutes crying, with a bleeding toe. We hugged him, dried his eyes and dressed his 'wound.' He then put his sandals on and went out to play.

Are we like this sometimes? Do we ignore our heavenly Father's instructions and do things our way, perhaps with just a hint of rebellion? Do we then get hurt as a consequence of our actions? God sees this of course and loves us too much to leave us as we are, so we shouldn't be surprised, when He allows circumstances in our lives, that have the potential to correct any destructive traits. It may seem hard, but if we embrace these circumstances and see them as God-opportunities, we grow in the knowledge of God loving us.

"- the Lord disciplines those he loves," Hebrews 12:6 New International Version

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Daddy, I'm Scared!

I had the afternoon out with one of our grandaughters. It was to be just the two of us and I was really looking forward to it. As it was hot and sunny we started with large ice creams. She reached up to the counter on tiptoe, and studiously considered each flavour. Next, the play park and a ride on the 'train.' We were the only 'passengers,' so she sat in front and rang the bell. The owner could see the joy on her face, so gave us extra time.

As a special treat, I thought we would visit the "Dome." This is a sort of living museum, vividly illustrating over 400 years of local history. Each scene is faithfully replicated, complete with sounds and smells, leaving nothing to the imagination. It's so realistic, that you feel part of the scene. What I hadn't reckoned on, was it's suitability for a six-year old.

As we started the trail I noticed it was darker than expected and before long I felt a tug at my jacket. Her large brown eyes looked up to me; "Grandad!" I wondered what was coming. "I'm frightened!" My heart went out to her as I took her hand. We returned to reception, where it was suggested we go the opposite way round.

It was brighter the other end. She was fascinated by the exhibits and asked lots of questions. At a mock-up of a prison cell she held my hand tighter, asking, "Why is that man wearing chains round his legs?" Eventually we came to the 'scarier' scenes and she decided that was enough adventure for the day.

I was so proud of her.

Even at my age there have been times when I have felt fearful and have needed extra assurance that God was 'there' for me. Like the time when my wife was rushed to hospital, seemingly near to death. I held Father's hand as tight as I could, in what ever way came to me. Step by step he led me - us - through the following weeks and months, as His loving healing was worked out. Just another opprtunity for me to grow in the knowledge of His love.

Fear is part of our lives, it's how we handle it that counts. I'm sure God doesn't want us to keep it inside to fester, but longs to hear the words, "Daddy I'm scared!" I can imagine His answer, "Are you son. Let's talk about it."

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you;" Isaiah 43:5 New International Version

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Father and Fathering

I have a great love for my father, even though he died years ago. I have some warm memories of him, especially the times spent watching him at work in his woodshed. It was because of him, that I became competent in practical things, such as carpentry, gardening and photography.

However, as I grew out of boyhood I found him distant. I was unable to bond with him physically or emotionally. Just when I needed him most, he wasn't 'there' for me. There were times I needed a comforting arm around my shoulders, as if to stay, "it's all right, I understand." I wanted to know what he was feeling, so I would know what it was like to be a man, but his emotions were locked away. I sensed he was angry inside and at one time, even thought it could be my fault. It was only many years later, that I discovered his heart had been broken and he had covered over his grief.

My father did his very best for me, at times sacrificially. What more can you ask of a man? However, this left me growing up into maturity, with a disabling emotional 'wound.' I buried the feelings, compensated for the lack - as you do - and got on with my life.

Many years later, when facing the challenges of marriage, relationships and parenthood, the pain began to surface. Eventually, with help at first, I moved from denial into facing the pain and feeling the feelings with Jesus. This was a slow process, in which I discovered that Father God longs to father us in the way we need, no matter what kind of upbringing we have had. And in a way I don't understand, He can even show us motherly qualities.

Now, if you identify with any of this and are aware of such pain, then ask the Holy Spirit to bring it to the surface, so that He can take the pain away and replace it with His love. It could help - and this is just a suggestion - to do something like writing a letter as if it was from your father. Write down the things that you would just have loved to have heard him say to you and then look to Father God for His answer.

"My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me." Psalm 27:10 Good News Bible

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Where is My Treasure?

I've changed over to a brand new computer and have just completed re-installing all my software, documents and files, configuring the email and making sure everything works. I'm no computer-geek, but I have picked up some expertise along the way and consider myself reasonably confident.

They say that changing computers can be as stressful as moving house. I admit that is has taken up a considerable amount of time and energy over the last few days and I did wake up one night puzzling over an installation problem. But, on the whole I feel satisfied - even smug? - that it has gone so smoothly.

Compared with my old machine, the picture is crystal-sharp and I'm amazed at the speed. I can literally zip through the web pages, whereas before, there were times when I had to wait ages for a page to load. It's a bit like changing from shopping at the local store to finding my way round the new out-of-town mega supermarket. I could play with it all day, exploring all the possibilities -- and there's the rub! I have to remind myself that it is only a tool, a means to a creative end, otherwise it can take over. After all, I'm not in love with my computer - am I?

What is the love of our life? The thoughts that fill our mind for most of our waking hours give a clue. What does our mind flip back to, during a pause at our workplace or driving along the freeway? I am conscious that if our time and energy are centred on following Jesus, there is the potential for the world around us to change!

Jesus longs for that central place in our hearts.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34 New English Translation

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Getting bthe Balance Right

I'm a fan of the Gilbert and Sullivan comic operas. In the 'Pirates of Penzance' there is a chorus: "A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, That paradox."

I sometimes think that on first sight the Christian life can appear to be full of paradox's, with conflicting instructions between two extremes. For example, in the Bible we are told that salvation is a free gift, but it costs everything we have: that walking with God is effortless, but it takes effort: that we don't have to compete, but we need to run the race to win!

Of course the Bible is not a set of rules - we have been freed from all that - but it's about a love relationship with Jesus. We find the balance as we follow Him and allow Him into our lives.

Even as a Christian, I tended to swing between two extremes. There were often crises and difficulties at work which could be scary and stressful. However, as I faced the problems and the adrenalin flowed, I found it stimulating and fulfilling. In a way I didn't want to stop, so took this pattern into my private life. And then, as I tried to relax I would swing the other way and even become lethargic. There seemed to be little in between full pelt and stop.

I have discovered something about adrenalin. It boosts your energy, but it also releases a stress hormone that eventually can have a suppressive effect on the immune system. Now you just cannot live on adrenalin for too long before you get stressed out and you become ill. That's what happened to me.

My life was out of balance and I was forced to take stock and spend more time just abiding in Jesus and feeding on that love relationship.

Now, I try to flow with Him rather than do things in my strength and cause stress. I am mindful of two things. First, that God's energy and power are His, not mine - obvious, but very important - and secondly, when God's power works through us, it is effortless. When things are moving in our life in the right balance we are at rest - and that's another paradox!

"You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life -" John 5:39-40 New International Version

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It's All in the Name

Before we were married, I remember that in conversation, friends and colleagues often referred to their 'girl friend.' This alone, told me very little about their relationship and left me wondering whether they were referring to a casual acquaintance or something much more serious. In the same way, the married men sometimes used the phrase 'the wife' or even worse, 'her at home.'

I became so passionately in love with my 'girl friend,' that just saying her name was music to my ears. I couldn't bare for us to be apart and found it difficult to wait for our next meeting. When the time eventually came to introduce her to my parents, I was just a little apprehensive. After saying, 'this is Sally,' I waited and held my breath. I wanted them to like her, but I was so taken up with her, no matter what they may have thought, I wouldn't have changed my mind.

So often we may talk about 'religion' or 'church' or 'prayer' or 'faith,' but unless we go further, the conversation stays impersonal, general, cerebral and safe. We may even use the word 'god,' but unless we explain what we mean, listeners are left in doubt and can apply their own interpretation. Maybe that's right at times, but once the name 'Jesus' is used, it starts to become personal, because we are talking of a heart relationship with God. It almost demands a response and at this point some may even feel uncomfortable and want to change the subject.

Now Jesus loves me with a passion and I love Him. He has implanted a longing inside me and He has become my life. I often mess up and let Him down, but at such times it seems - if that's possible - He loves me even more. He forgives and forgets and wipes the slate clean. His name is music to my ears and I long to use it and speak of Him without meaning to cause offence.

Everything is in that name, because he is God.

"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." John 14:6-7 New International Version

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