Gaining Through Losing

It was our first time in Canada and we visited a church. As the speaker got into his stride, I began to squirm in my seat. God had put His finger on something vital and was speaking directly to me. A longing for more of God in my life was awakened, but also the realisation that something was getting in the way. I felt challenged to surrender my reputation to Him, as I knew that I attached too much importance to what I imagined others thought of me. I made up my mind with God there and then, left it at that and got on with my busy life schedule.

God had not forgotten of course. Several years later, I had to set aside all my Christian work and what went for ministry. Through prolonged illness I lost most of what was fulfilling. It took time for me to come to terms with the situation and work though the feelings with Father. Also the grief I was experiencing wasn't just for the immediate loss, but long-buried grief from years past.

During the time I wrestled with my deprivation, many of the contacts I had made through my Christian involvements began to fall away. I felt forgotten and rejected. I'm sure some thought I had failed or even regarded me - that horrible word - as back-slidden! As one friend put it, I had "fallen off the edge of the table" and was no longer seen as relevant to the Christian activity scene. In truth, I was discovering delicacies at the Lord's banqueting table.

As I accepted the situation and found healing, my vision was renewed and broadened. I began to discover latent gifts and found satisfaction in doing what I was able. More importantly, my knowledge of and intimacy with Jesus was deepening. What I originally saw as a terrible loss, was turning out to be a life-saver. I found that even though I had lost a reputation, I had gained a testimony.

God sees and feels the desires and longings within our hearts, those same desires He put there and is totally committed to enabling us to enter into the 'more' for our lives. The things we may seem as important pale into insignificance to the wonder of walking with Him.

"Not only those things; I reckon everything as complete loss for the sake of what is so much more valuable, the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have thrown everything away; I consider it all as mere garbage, so that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:8 Good News Bible