It's Lonely In Here!

I wrote this very personal piece some years ago, when I was catapulted into chronic fatigue and loneliness that defied a human solution.


Whereas before, I was aware of the presence of God, it felt He had gone - this was my own Dark Night of the Soul.


I knew I had to trust Him to take me through the chasm of pain to the other side and that He did over a period of several months.

It’s lonely in here, very, very lonely
as if I’m the only person
in the whole wide world
and I’m frightened and hurting
I feel so helpless
I want to go back to how it was before, but I can’t
I want to escape, to run away.

Where are you God?
You seem so far away!
Why have you left me all alone?

In reality he is close
not the feeling, but the real thing
Jesus kneeling at my feet
“What would you have me do for you?”
What a God! at my feet!
Waiting patiently for the word
Waiting, waiting…
Yes, yes Lord, but .. but I need a lifeline
but yes, yes Lord, yes!

And as the yes’s and the trusting grew
and except for the odd backward glance,
the journey entered upon,
standing empty in the barren desert,
feeling the feelings with Him
I remind myself
He will not let me down,
He will not let me be tempted more than I can bear
and …

as my eyes become accustomed to the darkness
I find beauty to behold,
diamonds and precious stones
hidden behind the pain,
memories that heal and not hinder,
heart to blessed heart
words of love
the pain starts to lift
and the anxieties start to melt away.

Until the time when I feel His embrace
- and do you know
it can actually hurt to be loved!
But Lord don’t stop.

Is this the end?
no, it’s just the beginning.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 New International Version

Read more...

Have You Made It?

It was our young granddaughter’s birthday over the weekend. She is keen on drawing and painting, so we decided to give her some junior artist’s materials and took great pleasure in choosing them. I also discovered a website for children’s creative art. Their advice was: don’t give them anything to copy, but let them express themselves freely, don’t enter them into any competition and encourage them and validate what they do. This is brilliant advice. It’s one way in letting them know they are loved and accepted for who they are, without having to perform, earn love or follow some cardboard cutout example.

I’m not sure there was any definite plan in my career. I am of average intelligence, but conscientiously applied myself using the skills I had. I enjoyed what I did. My father often asked me ‘had I received promotion yet?’ It was obviously important to him, but only served to reinforce my childhood feeling that I had ‘not quite made it.’ I did eventually get my bosses job, a senior management position, but this was after my father had died so he never saw that.

I had a dream at this time - it’s one way that God uses to get through to me - that alerted me of the need to get free of striving to perform to please and be accepted. It went something like this. “I was smartly dressed, with a very heavy bag over one shoulder and was trying to make my way out of the works depot up a steep slope to my father - Father God? - at the exit gates. I was smiling at Him, as if to say ‘look at me I am doing so well.’ But try as I could I just could not make it, even on all fours, and kept slipping back.”

I discovered that I don't have to make it, because God has already 'made it' for me. We can never earn God’s love, it's given freely. Yes, we have to work out our salvation, but it's a love response and even then it's God who works in us. The only effort is to make sure we are abiding in His love.

"for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Philippians 2:13

"Freely you have received" Matthew 10:8

“After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” Galatians 3:3 New International Version

Read more...

Christian Healing - 7 Personal

These last posts have been just a few of my thoughts on Christian healing. Not quite random, as I hope I have written as led by the Spirit. I am concerned however, not to give the impression in anyway that I am an expert. There is only one expert and his name is Jesus. So I feel I need to say where I stand personally on healing - if you haven’t worked that out already:

Over thirty years ago, my wife was diagnosed with an aggressive form of the disabling disease rheumatoid arthritis and told she could be in a wheelchair within four years. This changed the direction of our lives forever, was instrumental on bringing us to the Lord and set us on a course of discovery that drew us closer to Jesus in our struggles. My wife, although the illness progressed and is physically disabled to a degree, still lives to the full and the wheelchair did not materialise. Her doctors and others are amazed.

Several years ago I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - M.E. - and since then in looking to the Lord have received some healing. It’s as if He has been healing me slowly, ‘on the drip’, as I try to walk with Father in obedience. The last two or three years have been particularly challenging for us both. My wife experiencing two accidents - one in which she nearly died - and I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It has been a bumpy ride.

In our walk we have seen God enable us in amazing ways that we never thought possible. We still believe that God heals, but in His way and in His time. We live for today. We are even less sure what God has for us ‘tomorrow’, our future is in hands, we trust Him, He has brought us through so far and will not let us down. We are forever expectant.

If you would like to hear from my wife’s viewpoint, she is the Guest Blogger on my Senior Eagle blog this week. Look under: “The Thirty Nine Steps”.

Read more...

Christian Healing - 6 Corporate

There is often so much emphasis on the individual’s walk with God, we can forget there is a corporate or community dimension.

From time to time we hear testimonies to healing. It’s there all right, but in dribs and drabs. But I have often wondered why the evidence of healing isn’t more widespread. I would like to see an avalanche. After all Jesus said that if we abided in Him we would do what He did and even more! There may be many reasons for this lack, but I think one reason is because of unbelief and disunity within a church, group, area local or a whole nation. It’s like God holds back the floodgates, waiting for our response?

On the other hand I have experienced from time to time, in small gatherings or groups, - but not much recently - where there was a real honest openness to God and to each other, that the Holy Spirit descended upon us tangibly, touching and moving everyone present. I believe this is the environment, the atmosphere that gives God the freedom to act powerfully.

I only have to walk down the street to see the need on people’s faces. It’s unmistakable. Our response can be to pray inwardly for each person we meet. I have also found that when in conversation I offer to pray for them, it is nearly always welcomed. I should do it more often, because God anoints boldness. There have been times occasionally when it is received with indifference or rejection. Like the time when I was so moved by a man I saw with both legs in plaster, that I asked if he would like me to pray with Him. He refused most strongly and angrily, but I noticed as he was speaking he could not look at me. Maybe he was still in shock and perhaps I was a tad insensitive, but I know that in His love God will not let him forget that time. I leave the outcome to Him.

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. - For there the LORD bestows his blessing - ” Psalm 133:1-3

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 New International Version

Read more...

Christian Healing - 5 Abiding

Abiding is absolutely key. This is where our Christian walk starts and continues to be maintained. When we make our home with Jesus the Bible comes alive and we begin to be in tune with God.

In our need for healing, it is in this heart to heart relationship that God hears our cry. This is where we hear His Word and especially those living personal Words just for us. Words that bring hope and life into our situation. But this is where the battle really commences. Satan just does not like this.

We may become aware of Satan’s lies, as fear and doubt try to get a hold. Taunts like “Who do you think you are?” or “Come on get real, you don’t really believe this do you?!” But as we continue to abide in Him surrounded by His love, we are safe from all the flaming arrows and missiles that come our way. They just cannot touch us. As we shelter wrapped in Father’s cloak we are assured of His comfort and His victory.

Pain and discomfort can cause us to sink and make it difficult to keep our focus on Him. Pain is very wearing and at worst it feels like trying to see through a fog. At such times I feel the only thing to do - and the best - is to surrender in complete trust. Throw ourselves into Father’s arms knowing He will fight the battle for us and bring us through.

Our focus of course, is not on the promised healing, but on the Promiser and Healer, so the bottom line is absolute surrender. This gives the Holy Spirit absolute freedom to move in our lives, whenever and however. The opposite to this is complaining - which I am well familiar with - and only serves to prolong the process. Unconditional yielding to God is tantamount to saying, ‘I yield to you Father whether you heal me or not.’ This may seem paradoxical, but it’s no different to saying we have to ‘lose our life to gain it.’ Knowing God will do what he said he will do, means we can do this. We trust Him. This is such a simple childlike heart action, but I for one have found it not easy and has often taken some crisis to bring it about.

I’ve said nothing so far about the medical profession and healing. I have no doubt that God works through doctors and treatments. Where would we be without them? But I’m not sure I would describe it as divine healing. Doctors do not have all the answers and some prescribed drugs are toxic with side effects that can have a drastic effect upon our quality of life. Enough said.

God does a proper job.

“Whoever goes to the LORD for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty, can say to him, "You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in you I trust." He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases.” Psalm 91:1-3 Good News Bible

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, then you will ask for anything you wish, and you shall have it.” John 15:7 Good News Bible

Read more...

Christian Healing - 4 Discernment

God is always speaking to us, if only we are open to listen. It will always be in accord with His Word, but in a way that is right for each of us individually. There is every reason to believe therefore, that He will speak to us when we are sick.

Some refer to God’s healing as a mystery, but there is no mystery in that God heals today, as it’s written in His Word. All we have to do is believe. What we don’t know is how and when God brings this into fruition within us so that it is evident. Some healing seems to be almost immediate, in others it happens gradually over time and others are waiting for years. Healing may be a process, but it’s not a procedure, but in the context of a intimate loving relationship.

There was a time when I was listening to and praying for others and more or less followed the same pattern. This seemed to work for while, until I realised that I had to listen to God and learn to flow with what the Holy Spirit was doing. Discernment is essential. After all, Jesus only did what ‘he saw His Father doing.’ So I am always wary when I hear someone giving the impression that, ‘this is how it is done or this is the pattern!’

I believe that as we progress in our Christian walk He is more and more concerned for our relationship with Him and our whole well-being. He knows us better than we know ourselves and sees the Big Picture. He knows the future plans He has for us. It may be that our attitude or behaviour pattern is getting in the way and He may want to deal with that first. To use a simple example: if I am banging my head against a brick wall harming myself, I may take painkillers to stop the headache. But God doesn’t want us to keep popping the pills, but deal with the root cause. Again, if we harbour unforgiveness against someone, especially towards our parents, we may need to forgive before we can receive the healing.

What I am trying to say, is that we need to believe, but God may have something to say to us in our situation, there may be steps for us to take before we can receive. God is full of surprises and loves us too much to leave us where we are.

"He told me everything I ever did." John 4:39

"Our Father in heaven: - may your Kingdom come; may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. - - If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you.” Matthew 6

"There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." 1 Corinthians 12:6 New International Version

Read more...

Christian Healing - 3 Wholeness

I believe Jesus came to set us free as a whole person, so healing includes not just for the body, but emotional, mental and spiritual. They are all linked.

In fact unresolved emotions can have a disabling effect. For example: I used to suffer from a kind of panic that I called claustrophobia. It meant that I avoided, if possible, going into any enclosed space, such as a lift (elevator), the London Underground (Subway) or any situation where I wasn’t in control. I was eventually healed of this by facing the scary feeling with Jesus. It was soon put to the test. When landing after a crowded transatlantic flight, the plane’s exit doors refused to open.

Buried feelings, like anger for example, if not taken responsibility for and resolved, can even erupt in other ways such as physical illness.

These ‘wounds’ may be rooted in a past trauma and need courage to allow Jesus into that painful place. We may need help at first from an experienced prayer minister or prayer counsellor. Either way, it’s in intimacy with Jesus that healing takes place, so all the ‘minister’ will be doing really is bringing us into God’s presence and allowing the Holy Spirit to do His healing work.

He will meet with us at our point of need.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23

Read more...

Christian Healing - 2 Desperation

Thoughts on Christian Healing continued:

It may sound obvious, but healing cannot really begin unless the ‘wound’ is brought out into the open and shown to Father - and in the case of emotional healing, the pain is owned and expressed.

Usually if a child hurts itself, he or she goes running to their parents and shows their ‘wound’ to them. The child is comforted, the wound bathed and cleaned and made better. There may even be a discussion on how it happened and how to avoid it happening again.

In this simple straight forward action there is an acceptance that something is wrong, a complete trust in the parent that it will be healed and also a degree of desperation.

We sometimes need to get desperate. Like when I crushed my thumb or when a large rock fell on our son’s hand or when my wife developed a life-threatening condition in a foreign country. In each case, mustering whatever faith I had, I reached out to God with every fibre of my being, until I was assured that I had made connection, He had heard and it was in hand. In each case healing was manifest. I believe God always answers our heart cries.

With long term illness it can seem more compicated. But is it possible that sometimes we have to get desperate before we turn to God and really mean business? For some reason we may have been in denial or thought ‘this is as good as it gets.’ We may have tried all medical avenues, followed any number of special diets, dabbled in various alternative practices, but the illness still persists. Do we have to get desperate before we go all the way on a healing journey God's way, no matter what?

More to come - -

“Give praise to the LORD; he has heard my cry for help. Psalm 28:6 Good News Bible

Read more...

Christian Healing - 1 Basics

I'm writing a series of brief posts on the subject of Christian Healing. Not the ‘Gospel according to Wayfarerjon’ I hasten to add, but neither are they merely theoretical. These are a few thoughts that have come out of my struggles and searching as a pragmatic Christian needing healing - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am still learning.

You may have your own thoughts and I will be pleased to hear your constructive comments.

Wherever Jesus went he forgave man’s sin and healed the sick. You can hardly turn a page of the Gospels without reading this. For Jesus, forgiveness and healing went together, as part of the salvation package. It’s strange how some of us separate the two and find it much easier to have faith in God for forgiveness, but not necessarily for healing.

I believe most strongly that Jesus still heals today. The Bible tells me so, the Spirit within me witnesses to this and I have experienced to a degree, such has given me a longing to see more. We can’t add to this salvation. I suppose it’s like having money in the bank - an indestructible bank. All we have to do is make a withdrawal.

There’s more to come --

“Christ himself carried our sins in his body to the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness. It is by his wounds that you have been healed” 1Peter 2:24

“Praise the LORD, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.” Psalm 103:2-3

Read more...

A Double Portion

Years ago I attended a conference led by a minister with an international healing ministry. All week I sat at the front riveted by what was being taught and especially what I witnessed. I said to God, that although I wanted to be me and not a copy of anyone else, I wanted what that man had got. Believing it to be a God-given desire, I even asked for a double portion - twice what he had. I felt God was saying it would be granted, but it would have to be in His way and in His time- it was conditional. I also left the conference confident of the direction of any future ministry and got on with my family and working life.

Fast forward a number of years and I was flowing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and in counselling and ministry. I felt fulfilled and dare I say it, successful? There was a problem though. The work was widening and snowballing and as I took on more I was drying up and giving out from empty. I was suffering, my wife was missing out and I soon realised I was headed for burnout and eventually illness took hold.

I had to let go of much of what had given me fulfilment and so began a prolonged period of wrestling with my condition and seeking God for understanding. Initially in painful desolation, but slowly moving into healing and even more slowly, redirection.

A friend in the village once remarked that my wife and I had 'slipped off the edge of the table.' Meaning we were outside of much of the usual church and social activities. She was right and we had struggled with it at first, but more than anything we wanted to be at the centre of God’s will for us. In anycase, most of what my wife and I do is not seen by others, it is hidden. At the start of this time someone with a prophetic ministry said to me that they felt God was saying that I was going to be “Busy, busy - in God’s service!” I was a little bemused, as God seemed to be doing just the opposite, but I hid it in my heart.

The sense of how God wants to use my wife and I is greater now, but we are less sure of the how and what and when, so we leave it to him. One thing for sure, is that we are totally reliant on Him and have to take each day as it comes, looking for his direction and enabling. We are expectant, but we don’t use that word ‘ministry’ anymore - we have exchanged it for intimacy.

What have I learnt so far? That God wants us to think big. He wants those godly desires brought to fulfilment and that He anoints boldness. Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing and if we are to do the same, we need to be in tune with Father. Also I have to be very sure of one thing: the power is God’s and not mine. We walk in the natural in obedience and He does the supernatural. Surrender is paramount and for some of us this can almost take a lifetime.

All very simple, but not easy, but more than worth it - and writing this has left me thoughtful.

“- Elijah said to Elisha, "Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?" "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,"” 2 Kings 2:9

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.” John 14:12-13 New International Version

Read more...

The Battle Without

Although I didn’t realise it at the time, the retreat we attended in October was God-arranged, to prepare me for what was to come in the following weeks. This was especially so with the morning walk (here) which became a living picture that helped carry me through a very difficult time. It reminded me that whatever battle I was to experience, provided I put my whole trust in Jesus and abided in Him, then I would come through to a strong place and know His victory.

Within two weeks of the retreat I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, with the immediate commencement of treatment and exploratory scans. Side effects from the drugs began to kick in, leaving me drained of strength, dizzy and experiencing vertigo. On top of this I picked up an infection from the biopsy examination, which took six weeks of anti-biotic drugs to overcome.

Things were happening at such pace, that for a time I was in shock and vulnerable to all sorts of anxious thoughts. Like burning arrows they came flying my way, such as: “I’m growing old before my time.” and “You are finished - there’s no hope.” or “You’ll end your days in hospital.” and so on! I just rested in my ‘shelter’ the best way I could, wrapped in the folds of Father’s robe, so that these taunts, lies etc just bounced off. I had His Word that He would fight the battle and take me through. I was expectant, of miracles even. On some evenings, if fatigue kicked in, I just sat surrendering to Father, even though I felt and sensed nothing, but refusing to doubt.

The worst part was the waiting between the many appointments. I found some of the doctors definitely lacking in communication skills and I was left in personal doubt about the additional treatment scheduled for the new year. All I could do was leave it to God until, at the last consultation I saw another specialist who reversed the decision. I received this as God’s answer, leaving Him the freedom to act in His way and in His time.

The worst of the storm is now over. There is still a battle, but that has moved on to another phase. So far as the cancer is concerned, I believe God has my healing on course. But fundamentally I don’t really think it’s about that. Yes, the enemy was in this, but God allowed it and is using it. He wanted me to have a closer walk with him - He knew my heart - and that meant strengthening me in my weak areas, such as anxiety. The journey continues. I don’t know how things are going to plan out. I have never ever been so unsure about such things, but I am even more sure that He knows, so I put my trust in Him.

There were certain scriptures that I kept returning to such as Psalms 91 and 17 and John 15 speaking of all the benefits of abiding.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High - will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." - You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. - “Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." Psalm 91 New International Version

Read more...

Doctor I'm in Trouble!

"Oh doctor, I'm in trouble - Goodness gracious me,' is a catchy song from an old movie, starring Peter Sellers & Sophia Loren.

Thankfully I've not seen very much of our doctor over the years. When I'm 'in trouble' I usually pray first and give God a chance to work. But when I do go, we are blessed with a good doctor. He listens and tunes in, treating me as a 'person' and not just an 'eye' or a 'lung' or whatever. Not all doctors have such a good patient manner and forget that we may apprehensive to start with.

Either way, we may possibly leave the consulting room with the doctor's words ringing in our ears, thinking, 'goodness gracious me! Could that really happen?' Some words may even sound like some sort of prison sentence, such as, "could be malignant' or 'there maybe serious side effects.' Maybe? Serious? And anxiety and fear start to come scratching at the door of our heart.

If taken in, these words can have a power and may even affect us physically. I find that it's at times like this when I need to listen to Someone who really knows all about me. God the Healer's Word is true and powerful. For example:

"Be still, and know that I am God;" Psalm 46:10

"We are healed by the punishment he suffered, made whole by the blows he received." Isaiah 53:5

"The LORD your God is with you; his power gives you victory -" Zephaniah 3:17

"Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart." Philippians 4:6

"Be patient and wait for the LORD to act; don't be worried -" Psalm 37:7

"- I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him," Isaiah 57:18

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters ... they shall not overwhelm you; - -" Isaiah 43:1-3

Read more...

Father and Fathering

I have a great love for my father, even though he died years ago. I have some warm memories of him, especially the times spent watching him at work in his woodshed. It was because of him, that I became competent in practical things, such as carpentry, gardening and photography.

However, as I grew out of boyhood I found him distant. I was unable to bond with him physically or emotionally. Just when I needed him most, he wasn't 'there' for me. There were times I needed a comforting arm around my shoulders, as if to stay, "it's all right, I understand." I wanted to know what he was feeling, so I would know what it was like to be a man, but his emotions were locked away. I sensed he was angry inside and at one time, even thought it could be my fault. It was only many years later, that I discovered his heart had been broken and he had covered over his grief.

My father did his very best for me, at times sacrificially. What more can you ask of a man? However, this left me growing up into maturity, with a disabling emotional 'wound.' I buried the feelings, compensated for the lack - as you do - and got on with my life.

Many years later, when facing the challenges of marriage, relationships and parenthood, the pain began to surface. Eventually, with help at first, I moved from denial into facing the pain and feeling the feelings with Jesus. This was a slow process, in which I discovered that Father God longs to father us in the way we need, no matter what kind of upbringing we have had. And in a way I don't understand, He can even show us motherly qualities.

Now, if you identify with any of this and are aware of such pain, then ask the Holy Spirit to bring it to the surface, so that He can take the pain away and replace it with His love. It could help - and this is just a suggestion - to do something like writing a letter as if it was from your father. Write down the things that you would just have loved to have heard him say to you and then look to Father God for His answer.

"My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me." Psalm 27:10 Good News Bible

Read more...

Flight or Fight?

I thought of calling this post "The Great Escape," because when the going got tough I used to get going. When I was faced with a conflict situation, where I felt threatened, I often looked for an escape route.

When things became difficult in our church we tried another one, only to find they had problems of their own. Work was always highly pressured, so it was easy to defer a difficult decision until later and still be seen to be working hard. In relationships, I tended to avoid any clash of opinion or disagreement.

The ultimate was the house move. The situation at home was trying, transport for our children was getting difficult and we seemed to have reached stalemate in our community. We decided therefore, to sell up and move to the next town and make a fresh start. But try as we might, we couldn't make it happen. As our arrangements for sale and purchase kept falling through, I became desperate.

I needed to hear from God. Perhaps there was something we weren't seeing? That's when we realised we would take our problems with us. It would be a different location, but once things had settled down, there would still be the same lessons to learn. It was only after we decided to stay put, that we saw things in a new light and slowly, very slowly, our circumstances began to change, difficulties eased and we saw no reason to move.

So what was I running from? I came to see that it wasn't people or things or even events that I was scared of, but the feelings within myself. I was afraid how I would cope with others' anger or even my own and then there was the fear of failure. Over the years, I faced these ogres with Jesus and began to find freedom, as I saw myself from God's perspective.

It is still a weak area for me and I may still procrastinate from time to time, but I am learning that:

We have a choice to run away or stay and fight.
If we run away we don't grow.
When we take the first step in faith to face the fears/situation/problem, God steps in and we have as good as won.

"David thought to himself, “One of these days I’m going to be swept away by the hand of Saul! There is nothing better for me than to escape to the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will despair of searching for me through all the territory of Israel and I will escape from his hand.” 1 Samuel 27:1 New English Translation

Read more...

Seeing from God's Perspective

Our optician reported that the vision in my left eye was restricted and referred me to a consultant. I was unaware of any problem and couldn't see what the fuss was about, but agreed to an operation to correct the condition. I was a little apprehensive at the prospect of having my eye cut into, but the surgical procedure went well. However, the post operative medication inflamed my eye which was extremely painful. This slowed me right down and catapulted me into a period of restriction and trauma.

I asked a friend to pray with me. Apart for praying for healing, she said that she believed God wanted to "broaden my vision." This wasn't a reference to my physical sight of course, but meant that through the experience, God would reveal me things that I wasn't seeing. In other words God wanted to show me things from His perspective.

I had been a Christian for many years. However, I was so wrapped up in Christian activities, that I was blinkered to what God was really trying to show me. I was blindly following a narrow path of 'ministry' without giving enough time to focus on the 'Minister.' The enforced months of inactivity were like a prolonged 'retreat,' where I had time to refocus. I emerged from this experience, rather like a mole coming out of its hole, blinking in the bright light and wondering, "what on earth is going on around here?"

The process goes on of course, but I offer a few observations coming from this time. Seeing from God's perspective:

1. Means setting aside regular quality time to be alone with Father.

2. Requires being brutally honest and open with God, including taking responsibility for our own feelings and behaviour patterns.

3. Results in seeing ourselves as God sees us.

4. is always in accordance with God's Word in the Bible.

5. is life-changing - we'll never be the same again.

6. gives us the freedom to be ourselves, the person we have been made to be.

7. Means seeing world events in a new light, especially being aware of the conflicting influences of good and evil that abound.

8. and above it enflames the love affair with Him.

You probably could add a lot more --

"One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." John 9:25 English Standard Version

Read more...

Giving From Where We Are

What would I say to someone in distress? What would I do, if I was in a hurry, but I could see that they were hurting inside?

Such 'God opportunities' always seem to come when I least expect them! But I hope that I would have the grace to lay aside my 'important' agenda and give them my whole attention. As a Christian I believe that I have something special to give, but at the same time I have to stay within my limits. It's no good trying to give what I have not yet received or I would be in danger of trying to 'fix' their problems with empty words.

I always think that to quote Scripture at someone may not be helpful. To say "Jesus loves you," may fall on deaf ears, especially if my own experience of God's love is lacking. My lack of compassion will be obvious. Similarly, if I quote to someone who has recently lost a loved one, "God uses all things to the good -" may not be appropriate. On the other hand, if I have 'been there' and identify with their suffering, it will show.

There are two things I am very sure of:

To listen is a wonderful thing. By this I mean, to put myself out of the picture and really listen to what a person's heart is saying and hopefully hear what God says about it. This can be a really healing gift to someone who is hurting. Also:

I have found that an offer to pray simply with someone is powerful and nearly always well received. I know I should do this more often.

Be bold and sensitive and give what we have.

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple - Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. - Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Acts 3:1 New International Version

Read more...

Thoughts on the Seasons

A few random thoughts on the seasons.

I looked across the valley this morning and just knew that summer had really arrived. The warm sun and the evening showers have brought out a profusion of wild flowers on the hillside opposite. Despite the effects of global warming, God's seasons continue; seasons that are designed to promote life and abundance on the earth.

This made me think of the 'seasons' we grow through. We start as babies and pass through toddler hood, childhood, teen and progress through life's stages to older age and inevitably, death. This process is God-given and involves continual change and provided we cooperate in the transition, each stage can be a blessing. Unfortunately some of us miss out or get stuck somewhere along the line. There are those we know, who say they missed out on childhood and I certainly faltered somewhere in my teens. As we get older, some of us may even try to buck the trend and act as if we were still in the first flush of youth, rather than go with the divine flow. Hence the popularity of some forms of cosmetic surgery.

The problem is that if we miss out on a stage or try to alter the natural course of things, sooner or later we can experience adverse effects, emotionally, mentally. physically or spiritually.

I feel this is where God's seasons for our individual lives come into play. I believe God pre-arranges or allows times in our lives that are to our advantage, to enable us to flourish, blossom and heal. This is understandable when the sun shines and everything seems to be going fine. We feel good and it is easier to give thanks. But what about the dry periods or what we call the 'hard times?' Surely, even these are allowed for a purpose?

If you are like me, you may be tempted to enjoy life when all seems rosy and give less regard to using the time to build your relationship with God. I sometimes need a catalyst to make me move on and grow up with God; so when the dry times come along, I am forced to dig deep to find the life-giving water that flows from Jesus. That's when we discover that the deserts and wildernesses of life can be the most productive. We need those 'rocky' times, some of us more than others.

I believe the key is to accept and embrace each season of our lives and cooperate with God in the rough and the smooth?

I like to play chess, if only I can find a partner. Life can be like a game of chess! If my opponent lets me win every time then there is no game and I just do not learn or grow.

Where are you today?

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:" Ecclesiastes 3:1 New International Version

Read more...

The Father's Love

The Father's love comforts
us when all seems dark and hopeless

The Father's love heals
us when we are hurting and wounded

The Father's love befriends
us when we are lonely

The Father's love accepts
us just as we are

The Father's love carries
us when we don't know which way to turn

The Father's love empowers
us to live beyond ourselves

The Father's love invites
us to follow Him into the unknown

The Father's love transforms
us into the person he made us to be

The Father's love encourages
us to fulfil the desires he put there

The Father's love waits
for our response

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you." John 15:9 New International Version

Read more...

Our Reaction to Pain

There was a small boy who was given a bike for his birthday. Just what he had hoped for. He practised at home before venturing out and kept falling off at first. He was impatient to show it to his friends, so off he went. They all inspected it and gave it the thumbs up. He felt so proud because he was now one of them. It was alright at first, but then he lost control and fell off, badly scraping his knee. It hurt, but what really hurt was that they laughed at him and taunted him. When he got home he kept quiet about it and put some sticking plaster over the wound.

For several days he didn't use his bike or play with the boys, because he didn't want to get hurt again. His knee was painful, so he put more plaster on it and tried to forget about it. The trouble was, it got so inflamed he realised it had to be seen to. In trepidation he asked his father to see to it. He thought he would be told off, but instead, he put him on his knee, gently removed the plaster and bathed it clean, removing any grit and dirt. He then placed some special ointment on it. He felt better already. His father seemed to understand what it was all about and reassured him that it would take a while to learn to ride it properly and he would help him. "Just you wait until you show the other boys!" he said.

Isn't this how it can be for many of us, where there is pain just below the surface. Some of us may even have a well of pain deep down that goes back a long way. We may not have been hurt physically, but may have been abused emotionally in some way, words of condemnation may have been spoken over us perhaps.

If it stays hidden it can begin to spread and fester and affect our lives in a disabling way. It can also lead us into unresolved anger or unhelpful behaviour patterns in trying to maintain the status quo. It stops us living to the full and reaching our potential. There comes a time when we know it has to be seen to.

Our heavenly Father is just waiting for us to bring it out for Him to look at. He will then put us on His knee and bathe the wound, remove the impurities and make it better. He will also give us words of encouragement to move forward.

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Songs 2:14 New International Version

Read more...

Real Fellowship

I had a long telephone conversation the other evening. What started out as a contact call to a friend, turned into some deep sharing between us. We were being real and 'telling how it is.' Although we are from different backgrounds we are spiritually in tune with one another; there was an understanding and acceptance.

In scriptural terms you could say that we were 'confessing our sins' to each other. The problems and feelings I was sharing involved sin, because I admitted that in one particularly area of my life I was having difficulty living fully as God intends. It's not that we were expecting the other to fix it, only Jesus saves and redeems and heals, but bringing those things into the light resulted in a sense of freedom for both of us.

We all have to be responsible to God for our personal walk with God, but the New Testament particularly refers to the community element of being a Christian. Not a co-dependant people, leaning on one another, propping each other up, but a cohesive body of Christians sold out to God, focussed on Jesus and encouraging one another in the walk of faith. When we are open and real with one another in an atmosphere of love and acceptance, it releases the Holy Spirit to flow in love and healing.

In some Christian circles this may not be experienced - perhaps because faith is seen as a private matter or because any admission of difficulties or negative emotion may be seen as a lack of faith - so we need to choose carefully who we share with. If I am feeling broken inside I would always look for those who themselves have been broken.

"... confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16 New International Version

Read more...