Pen of a Ready Writer

My wife and I have been invited to a special birthday celebration for the wife of a couple that were very much a part of our Christian walk 10 to 15 years ago. They asked us if possible to bring a photograph of us taken at the time when we first met.. In a search for the dates I reached for one of my old prayer journals.

I kept a very full journal in those days and as I read I became engrossed in all the detail. It spoke of struggles and stumbling and of lots of Christian activity. There was also a common thread running all the way through, of being drawn into intimacy with Father.

This led me on to considering where I am with the Lord now, after all those years. I was both encouraged and challenged.

I have ‘moved on’ since then and am more surrendered and settled inside, with less hang-ups, but still aware of some of the old persistent weaknesses lurking at times. In other words I am more aware of who I am and free to be me. The old difficulties are in the past; I’ve just got a whole load different ones and more so. This means I am much more reliant on Jesus than ever. The challenge is greater. But this is the main difference - He means more to me now than ever, He is all I need.

I just want to be wholly available to Him and be the ‘pen of a Ready Writer.’

It does help to look back with Father now and again and consider and take stock.

Where are you now?

"My tongue will be the pen of a ready writer
And what the Father gives to me I'll sing
I only want to be His breath
I only want to glorify the King"
from “I Hear the Sound of Rustling”
by Ronnie Wilson

“My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

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Daddy, My Daddy!

We watched the delightful film adaptation of E. Nesbit's novel "The Railway Children" - the original version - again the other week.

I am always touched by the scene where the elder daughter woke one morning feeling 'strange' and said she had to be alone. She went down to the railway station and a train pulled in. The platform emptied, but as the train pulled away, there in the distance emerging from a cloud of steam, was her father. This was her father she hadn't seen for several years. She exclaimed, "Daddy, my Daddy!"

Some of us come from families that were in part dysfunctional and so haven't experienced the degree of fathering that we really needed as children. Not their fault, that's just how it was. The wonderful thing as Christians, is that we can experience the Father's love. When we reach out and express our need for Him, he comes running towards us. It's what he is waiting for.

At a time when the child in me was deeply touched and moved by the closeness of Father God, I experienced this intimate impromptu moment. I have never written a song before, but these words, simple and personal, just burst out as I walked along the beach. I offer them to you, as they are, unfinished. There was a tune too, but I didn't’ write that down.

Father Oh Father
I love you I do
I want you to come and love me too
I want to feel you close to me
To walk and talk and play with me
How I love you Father I do
I love to dance and walk with you
I love to see the twinkle in your eyes.

Son, Oh son, I feel so proud
When you come and reach out your hand;
Something happens inside of me
When you want to walk and talk with me.

Daddy, O daddy, I love you too
I love to dance and skip with you,
Come and put your arms around me.

"So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20 New International Version

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A Double Portion

Years ago I attended a conference led by a minister with an international healing ministry. All week I sat at the front riveted by what was being taught and especially what I witnessed. I said to God, that although I wanted to be me and not a copy of anyone else, I wanted what that man had got. Believing it to be a God-given desire, I even asked for a double portion - twice what he had. I felt God was saying it would be granted, but it would have to be in His way and in His time- it was conditional. I also left the conference confident of the direction of any future ministry and got on with my family and working life.

Fast forward a number of years and I was flowing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and in counselling and ministry. I felt fulfilled and dare I say it, successful? There was a problem though. The work was widening and snowballing and as I took on more I was drying up and giving out from empty. I was suffering, my wife was missing out and I soon realised I was headed for burnout and eventually illness took hold.

I had to let go of much of what had given me fulfilment and so began a prolonged period of wrestling with my condition and seeking God for understanding. Initially in painful desolation, but slowly moving into healing and even more slowly, redirection.

A friend in the village once remarked that my wife and I had 'slipped off the edge of the table.' Meaning we were outside of much of the usual church and social activities. She was right and we had struggled with it at first, but more than anything we wanted to be at the centre of God’s will for us. In anycase, most of what my wife and I do is not seen by others, it is hidden. At the start of this time someone with a prophetic ministry said to me that they felt God was saying that I was going to be “Busy, busy - in God’s service!” I was a little bemused, as God seemed to be doing just the opposite, but I hid it in my heart.

The sense of how God wants to use my wife and I is greater now, but we are less sure of the how and what and when, so we leave it to him. One thing for sure, is that we are totally reliant on Him and have to take each day as it comes, looking for his direction and enabling. We are expectant, but we don’t use that word ‘ministry’ anymore - we have exchanged it for intimacy.

What have I learnt so far? That God wants us to think big. He wants those godly desires brought to fulfilment and that He anoints boldness. Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing and if we are to do the same, we need to be in tune with Father. Also I have to be very sure of one thing: the power is God’s and not mine. We walk in the natural in obedience and He does the supernatural. Surrender is paramount and for some of us this can almost take a lifetime.

All very simple, but not easy, but more than worth it - and writing this has left me thoughtful.

“- Elijah said to Elisha, "Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?" "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,"” 2 Kings 2:9

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.” John 14:12-13 New International Version

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Getting Connected

I had a list of phone calls to make this morning: car service station, insurance company, power company and the photo processing firm to ask if they had lost my photos, just to mention a few. All in all it took over an hour and wasn't very productive.

One of the calls went something like this: dial and followed instructions - press star key - listen - press 2 - listen - press 1 - "I'm sorry but our advisors are very busy today" - and even later, "we really value your call" and "thank you for your patience"and "why not use the internet?" and finally, after 16 minutes, just as I was about to give up, I got through to a human.

I was so overwhelmed that I struggled to answer her opening question. I tried to put my case, but had difficulty getting answers to my two questions. The operator was very much on the defensive, very efficient in an assertive way. She had all the facts on her screen, but the trouble was that her agenda was different to mine. We were just not compatible, we weren't in tune. She doggedly seemed to refuse to get my point, although did agree to get someone to look into something for me. I chalked it up as half-solved. After all it wasn't all her fault, as I was left with just a niggle, that I could have handled it better?

Now we have a God, whose not a call centre operator, but the CEO who is always on the line, always available and gives us His full attention. He is never too busy and will never hang up on us. We don't have to wait for a connection as we have a hot line straight through. He is just longing to hear what we have to say. In fact He knows what we are going to say before we speak. He looks right into our heart and knows our thoughts and what is going on in there, but He waits for us to express those heart desires in words. The trouble is, he often has to wait a long time, so it's a good thing his patience is endless.

So how do I score? Do I stay connected throughout the day and include Him in everything, or do I trot out my shopping list of prayers and requests and then get on with my life, the way I want to. Do I listen, really listen to my Father? If I really care how my Father feels and thinks, I will give time to connect, heart to Heart. Now there's real powerful connecting!

"From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence -- a private audience!" Psalm 18:6 The Message Bible

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Keeping Focused

I've always been a keen photographer, but thought I would have a go at digital photography and bought a simple compact to give it a try. I was amazed at what it could do. The colour rendering was brilliant and the images consistently sharp. There was one problem however, the photos were sharp all over. I wanted more control over the focusing.

For my very special birthday last year, I was given a new digital SLR, to replace my very old and trusty 35mm Olympus. Now I can choose between fully automatic or complete control over everything.

I specialise in portraiture. Some like to include lots of background interest, like mountains or historic buildings. Now the scenery may be beautiful and the architecture astounding, but I like to fill the frame with the person, preferably just head and shoulders. I then focus on the eyes, so that the background is well out of focus. That way our attention is taken straight to the subject, without diversion. It isn't always easy to get to get it right. Photography isn't just about 'pressing the button,' but about looking and looking until you know you've got it.

Jesus is our source of life, love and hope and our relationship with Him sustains us. If we want to live life to the full we must focus on Him and keep Him in our sights. It takes perseverance to maintain this sometimes, because of all our involvements. There may be many good and beautiful things around us, but if these became our prime focus, Jesus may become blurred. We may even be in danger of losing our way and it can be hard to get back into focus.

Keep focused and live.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Song: Helen Howarth Lemmel 1922

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith -" Hebrews 12:2 New International Version

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It's All in the Name

Before we were married, I remember that in conversation, friends and colleagues often referred to their 'girl friend.' This alone, told me very little about their relationship and left me wondering whether they were referring to a casual acquaintance or something much more serious. In the same way, the married men sometimes used the phrase 'the wife' or even worse, 'her at home.'

I became so passionately in love with my 'girl friend,' that just saying her name was music to my ears. I couldn't bare for us to be apart and found it difficult to wait for our next meeting. When the time eventually came to introduce her to my parents, I was just a little apprehensive. After saying, 'this is Sally,' I waited and held my breath. I wanted them to like her, but I was so taken up with her, no matter what they may have thought, I wouldn't have changed my mind.

So often we may talk about 'religion' or 'church' or 'prayer' or 'faith,' but unless we go further, the conversation stays impersonal, general, cerebral and safe. We may even use the word 'god,' but unless we explain what we mean, listeners are left in doubt and can apply their own interpretation. Maybe that's right at times, but once the name 'Jesus' is used, it starts to become personal, because we are talking of a heart relationship with God. It almost demands a response and at this point some may even feel uncomfortable and want to change the subject.

Now Jesus loves me with a passion and I love Him. He has implanted a longing inside me and He has become my life. I often mess up and let Him down, but at such times it seems - if that's possible - He loves me even more. He forgives and forgets and wipes the slate clean. His name is music to my ears and I long to use it and speak of Him without meaning to cause offence.

Everything is in that name, because he is God.

"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." John 14:6-7 New International Version

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Walking With God

Before I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue I had strong legs and walked for miles. I really loved the thrill and excitement of walking in the hills and mountains. There I found stunningly beautiful scenery, contrasting with the solitude and adventure of the scary wild places. I couldn't get enough.

I miss it now of course and letting it go was difficult at first. I have since however, discovered even more of the thrill of walking with God. Walking in fellowship with Father beats it all hands down and surpasses any mountain experience. There is no greater challenge, with a surprise around every bend. Nothing is more beautiful and brings satisfaction that goes deeper than anything I have ever known. Yes, it is frightening at times, but nothing compares with it.

When we walk with God
there is peace and joy within

When we walk with God
there is life in abundance

When we walk with God
there is freedom

When we walk with God
there is contentment and rest for our soul

When we walk with God
there is beauty and intimacy

When we walk with God
there is adventure and challenge

When we walk with God
we discover who we really are

When we walk with God
there is so much more -

Let us take His hand today and walk with Him

"Enoch walked with God" Genesis 5:24 New International Version

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The Husband's Challenge!

Getting married was the best thing I ever did. It has brought real fulfilment and happiness, but of course it hasn't all been married bliss. I didn't expect it to bring to the surface all my inadequacies, failings and above all my own emotional wounds. At times it has seemed more like a battlefield and it was only Jesus who has brought us through so far. I can now honestly say, that after so many years, we are closer together than ever.

So why the other day, did we suddenly have a such wordy confrontation, a spat, mini-row or whatever you may call it? I couldn't remember the last time that happened! What my wife said hurt me and I reacted strongly with words I regret. I was holding a chair at the time and just for a split second I could have thrown it across the room. For an hour or so I reverted to my old behaviour pattern and retreated to my den to nurse my hurt. The temporary rift was so painful, I just wanted to blank out the feelings.

Of course I know that attitude just doesn't work and anyway, I was not going to let the enemy have his way. I brought out the feelings with Father and worked them through with Him, before going to find my wife. We both knew that we hadn't spoken to hurt one another, but were speaking out of our own pain and frustration at the time, through tiredness and illness. We talked it through, listened to one another and forgave. That felt so good!

I once asked my wife what she looked for in a husband. The qualities didn't come as a surprise; courage, boldness, kindness, honesty and romance were just a few. But her answers and what I have gleaned from other women, lead me to the conclusion that the two qualities a Christian wife values above all others is submission and intimacy.

I believe a wife feels secure and close with a husband who is walking with God in surrender and obedience to Him and also is in touch with his own feelings and thoughts, which he will openly share with her and listen to hers. I know there's a lot more than that, but I go back to these two things time and again.

Getting to know God, getting to know ourselves, getting to know our wives -- getting there!

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up - In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. - For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ephesians 5:25-31 New International Version

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The Secret Garden

My wife had been invited to a friend's house for the evening, to listen to someone talk about missionary work in India. The speaker was Indian and it took me several minutes to tune in with the lilt of his dialect. If you have ever heard a Welshman speak English you will have a little understanding of what I mean. I quickly realised that despite his soft voice and quiet way, he was speaking with power and authority.

He said something to the effect: "You send missionaries from your country to India and they wonder why their ministry does not bear fruit. They think that we are deprived, but let me tell you, that it's you who are deprived!" Whether he meant all western nations, our country or those of us in the room, was immaterial. I knew God was speaking directly to me!

He proceeded to speak on one verse from the Song of Songs. He said that before we 'go out' to work for God, we should spend time in secret in our garden with Father. We should continue doing this until we are so taken over with our Lover, that we have a spring within that cannot be contained. It will flow out to God and others. He illustrated this by saying that he had just stayed with a pastor in the next town. In the evening he invited him to join him in prayer, but was surprised to find that after only ten minutes the pastor was stuck for words. Whereas he could have continued all night if necessary.

His talk impacted upon me, but I confess that I allowed work, busy schedules and activity to get in the way. It was some years before I began to give it a high priority in my life.

I have a love for gardens. There's at least one walled garden that I find special, where I feel especially close to God. As I step into the enclosure I'm immediately aware of a closeness and an intimacy. It feels like coming home and within I say "I'm coming!" I slow right down and take in the heady perfume of the myrtle blossom and the riot of colour in the borders. As I tarry, peace descends. There's no need to speak, but if I do I'm not stuck for words. I feel like staying for hours, but when I do leave, I know something has happened inside.

We can find space anywhere away from wordly distractions, to be with Jesus on a regular basis and enjoy each other. When we eventually leave our 'secret' place, we take our 'garden' with us and just maybe, others may be attracted by the fragrance.

Nurturing this intimacy is essential if we are to flow with Jesus. It makes the difference between us trying to do something for God and allowing God to do something through us. It takes effort to find this time, but inside we know we want to and like a Lover, He meets us in our longing.

"My sweetheart, my bride, is a secret garden, a walled garden, a private spring." Song of Songs 4:12 Good News Bible

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Real Satisfaction

The January sales are on with a vengeance. The other evening, television news showed scenes outside a large department store. As soon as the doors opened there was a mad headlong stampede towards the bargains, sweeping all aside in it's wake. A fight broke out with one of the attendants who was trying to keep some sort of order. There was a life and death struggle at one of the counters and a woman emerged from the scrum clutching several designer handbags.

We may smile, but could this be an illustration of what it's like in the world today? A headlong hedonistic pursuit of pleasure, trying to find satisfaction in material things and anything else to gratify the inner longing. I'm reminded of the old Rolling Stones smash hit, "I can't get no, I can't get no, I can't get no satisfaction, no satisfaction, no satisfaction, no satisfaction." The truth is, that without Jesus, we will be dissatisfied deep down.

It's often when our dissatisfaction bubbles to the surface, when we've tried everything else, that we turn to Jesus. It's then that we discover there is absolutely nothing to compare with this love relationship that satisfies our deepest need. This is the start of a lifelong relationship where both sides have a growing desire to draw closer to each other. However, it's not long before the world comes knocking at the door of our minds, with the temptation to be taken over with the love of material things and pleasure-seeking that gets in the way of intimacy with Him.

Let us thank God for all the good that we enjoy, but ensure that our real satisfaction always comes from knowing Jesus.

"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35 Jeremiah 9:23-24 New International Version

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Praying Without Ceasing

At first sight, to pray without ceasing seems a tall order. If it means we are to be vocally praying all the time, surely nothing else would get done?

I have always seen it essential to start the day with a quality time of prayer, but there have been times when I then got on with my business, thinking that was enough for the day. But imagine how it would be if we spent the day with a loved one and we ignored them; no touching, talking or listening, no eye contact, walking together but separate. If we do the same with Jesus, just think how must He feel.

In the little book "The Practice of the Presence of God," it's the humble monk Brother Lawrence who found delight in washing the dishes with Jesus or even just picking a blade of grass to the Glory of God! He had a constant awareness of God's loving presence and enjoyed a continual 'conversation' with Him. We may not be monks or nuns but the principle is the same; we need a prayerful attitude.

An intimate relationship with Jesus is a very personal thing and it's expression will be different for each of us. However it doesn't come naturally at first and needs working at until it becomes almost second nature, effortless. So no matter how busy we are, as we acknowledge that He is with us in all we do, there will be that inner awareness and readiness to obey His whisper.

What if we are just to tired or exhausted to pray? When I first read about the Jesus prayer, where you recite unceasingly "Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy upon me," in tune with your breathing, I thought that's hard work and a bit far-fetched. However there have been times when I have been extremely fatigued and found myself mouthing similar words as I breathed deeply. Rather than succumb to negative feelings, I breathed out my tiredness and breathed in the comforting, strengthening Holy Spirit.

Jesus is our Lover and longs to be involved in all we do, not just in times of need but 24/7.

“Prayer is as natural an expression of faith as breathing is of life” Jonathan Edwards

"Pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. Don't suppress the Spirit." 1 Thessalonians 5:17-19 The Message Bible

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