Peeled Bananas

Oh the joys of doing the weekly shop. My wife and I go together. With a trolley each, we start at opposite ends of the supermarket and compare notes when we meet in the middle. While deliberating over my purchases I often notice a lone husband on his cell phone to his wife - presumably , “Darling, which sort of cornflakes did you say?” while I smugly work through my list.

I’ve long realised that a degree of detective work is needed in the supermarkets. Often, at first sight, the contents of the packages and cans may not always live up to the expectations of the outside labels. For example “Pure natural blossom honey?” What does that mean? ‘Honey’ yes, but doesn’t all honey come from blossom and is there such a thing as ‘unnatural’ honey? That leaves ‘pure’, which I take it to be a euphemism for ‘honey blended from various sources and heat treated.’ What is ‘farm fresh corn-fed chicken’ supposed to mean? Are they reared in batteries, deep litter, free range and are they organically reared? So what you see isn’t always what you expect.

All very mundane. But are we real and open to people and God , WYSIWYG like a peeled banana? Do they see us as we really are?

This was brought home to me the other day, when during a good-humoured exchange with a friend, he said “You are a top bloke, but when I first knew you years ago, you were a bit stuck up!” He had a point. I used to be very closed and not in touch with my feelings that much. I’ve changed since, a process that is ongoing.

I remember in my second year as a shy boy in high school, a teacher wrote in my annual report, “I wish he would come out of his shell.” Sounds a bit like a tortoise or a snail! I did emerge as I grew up, but there were certain sides of me that were unconsciously kept well hidden , perhaps because of shame or false guilt. By adulthood I already had coping mechanism in place to deal with this deficiency.

The problem is, being closed separates. It can be a barrier to open communication and conversation stays mainly from the head and not the heart. Of course, if we are closed to people we will also be hiding those areas from God. The solution is to invite Jesus into those hidden hurting areas of our life and find freedom to be ourselves, which as I discovered is an ongoing process.

“- by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:20 New International Version

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Christian Healing - 2 Desperation

Thoughts on Christian Healing continued:

It may sound obvious, but healing cannot really begin unless the ‘wound’ is brought out into the open and shown to Father - and in the case of emotional healing, the pain is owned and expressed.

Usually if a child hurts itself, he or she goes running to their parents and shows their ‘wound’ to them. The child is comforted, the wound bathed and cleaned and made better. There may even be a discussion on how it happened and how to avoid it happening again.

In this simple straight forward action there is an acceptance that something is wrong, a complete trust in the parent that it will be healed and also a degree of desperation.

We sometimes need to get desperate. Like when I crushed my thumb or when a large rock fell on our son’s hand or when my wife developed a life-threatening condition in a foreign country. In each case, mustering whatever faith I had, I reached out to God with every fibre of my being, until I was assured that I had made connection, He had heard and it was in hand. In each case healing was manifest. I believe God always answers our heart cries.

With long term illness it can seem more compicated. But is it possible that sometimes we have to get desperate before we turn to God and really mean business? For some reason we may have been in denial or thought ‘this is as good as it gets.’ We may have tried all medical avenues, followed any number of special diets, dabbled in various alternative practices, but the illness still persists. Do we have to get desperate before we go all the way on a healing journey God's way, no matter what?

More to come - -

“Give praise to the LORD; he has heard my cry for help. Psalm 28:6 Good News Bible

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Daddy, My Daddy!

We watched the delightful film adaptation of E. Nesbit's novel "The Railway Children" - the original version - again the other week.

I am always touched by the scene where the elder daughter woke one morning feeling 'strange' and said she had to be alone. She went down to the railway station and a train pulled in. The platform emptied, but as the train pulled away, there in the distance emerging from a cloud of steam, was her father. This was her father she hadn't seen for several years. She exclaimed, "Daddy, my Daddy!"

Some of us come from families that were in part dysfunctional and so haven't experienced the degree of fathering that we really needed as children. Not their fault, that's just how it was. The wonderful thing as Christians, is that we can experience the Father's love. When we reach out and express our need for Him, he comes running towards us. It's what he is waiting for.

At a time when the child in me was deeply touched and moved by the closeness of Father God, I experienced this intimate impromptu moment. I have never written a song before, but these words, simple and personal, just burst out as I walked along the beach. I offer them to you, as they are, unfinished. There was a tune too, but I didn't’ write that down.

Father Oh Father
I love you I do
I want you to come and love me too
I want to feel you close to me
To walk and talk and play with me
How I love you Father I do
I love to dance and walk with you
I love to see the twinkle in your eyes.

Son, Oh son, I feel so proud
When you come and reach out your hand;
Something happens inside of me
When you want to walk and talk with me.

Daddy, O daddy, I love you too
I love to dance and skip with you,
Come and put your arms around me.

"So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20 New International Version

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On Retreat - 4

We go on retreat for different reasons. Maybe we want to withdraw for a while from the pressures of everyday life, to get things in perspective. Perhaps to find some hideaway, where we can experience peace and quiet, get closer to God and seek new direction. Whatever our reasons, if it is a Christian retreat, then to get the full benefit of course, we need to mean business with God, so in that respect it is serious.

There were certainly important, even pressing and painful issues that surfaced during our retreat. These weren't all solved of course, but I was given fresh purpose and direction, with plenty of stuff to work through with Jesus back home.

We arrived feeling somewhat battered and because I was expectant and eager to push in and get out all I could of the time, I was a little tense. Our retreat guide sensed this and saw my need to relax and just give God the freedom to move. It was even suggested I needed more fun in my life, starting there and then.

I spent an hour or so in the art studio playing with paint. Looking at this piece of work you wouldn't think that I am an accomplished artist. I just let myself go, dipped my fingers in and smudged and smeared and splodged and flicked to my heart's content. It may seem a bit of nonsense, but with hindsight it does make sense. It's all there - pain, tears, joy, laughter and God's creation. I let the child in me come to the fore, allowing myself to break all the rules and walk over the floor with dirty shoes. It was very satisfying and freeing - and God was smiling with me.

Some of you may be thinking that you already have plenty of fun and we need to be more serious. Others may say that as a Christian there's no place for such nonsense, with the world in the state it's in. But I would say that we need to be in touch with this side of us, especially at this time. I'm sure Jesus had His smiley moments!

The sun is out this afternoon and we are going to have some fun.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15 New International Version

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Living in the Flow

When I was a boy I could hardly wait for the fair to come to town. I loved the noise and excitement of the fairground. I was particularly drawn to the helter skelter. We climbed up inside the candy-striped tower and once at the top we launched ourselves onto the slide and spiralled down the outside, whooping with glee. More modern versions are found in children's play parks and our grandchildren make a beeline for them. Even the toddlers seem fearless as they woosh down the polished stainless steel slide.

For reasons I've yet to discover they also delight in trying to go up the slide the wrong way. Usually they give up halfway as their feet slip or someone else comes hurtling down. It's just the same in the shopping malls, where, if we didn't stop them, they would try to climb up the down escalator. We try to explain that apart from being dangerous it's very exhausting and much better to use the correct one. Of course we adults would never do anything like that, or would we?

I had a full programme arranged for the other day. Things I had been meaning to do for quite a while. The problem was other things kept getting in the way. Several phone calls delayed me and then I kept bumping into people who wanted to talk. Even as I was speaking, my mind was on my own agenda and I realised I was getting uptight. Only then did it dawn on me that God had arranged things differently and I was resisting His timetable. These 'things' that were getting in the way, were relationships and people that were far more important than my own plan.

When we become Christians we stop going against the flow of God's love and provision and hand over control to the Holy Spirit. To yield to God and live in the flow of God's provision can be effortless, far more effective and even stimulating. To go against the flow causes stress and fatigue and frustrates God's purpose in our lives.

"From now on, then, you must live the rest of your earthly lives controlled by God's will -" 1 Peter 4:2 Good News Bible

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Dysfunctional Families

We had lunch with friends the other day and shared childhood memories. I said that I experienced some emotional trauma as a child and was left to develop my own ways of compensating and coping with it. My parents really loved and cared for me and really did their best, but I thought ours was a dysfunctional family. Our friends' view was that most families are dysfunctional in some way, which made me think.

When we marry, both partners are in many ways incompatible. They may be a strong love for each other, together with common interests. But because of the differences, there is a lot of working out to do in the relationship. This will be just the same when children come along. However, the family is a God-arranged 'institution' to provide the ideal environment to shape us and bring us to maturity.

I list below a few suggestions of the ideal requirements for a functional family. I stress that this is not a complete list and it is ideal:

• Both parents are present and available and demonstrate their love for each other openly and healthily.
• The children receive affection vocally, by touch and with eye contact.
• That communication is free and open.
• There is a listening environment, with the freedom to express emotional pain and fears, without condemnation or shame.
• The children are disciplined - I don't necessarily mean physical correction - in love with listening and full explanation.
• There are shared family activities.
• Children are increasingly encouraged to be themselves and not copies of their parents.
• There is affirmation and validation of the children's femininity or masculinity, by word and example.

I should think the same applies within the Christian family, the Body of Christ.The difference is, there are not the same blood ties and so we have the choice to avoid confrontational people or painful situations. On the other hand, because we have the same heavenly Father, the ties are even stronger and more powerful. There's the potential for a healthy family and loving relationships, where the members can find healing, fulfilment and discover their purpose in life.

"God sets the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6 New International Version

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Our Reaction to Pain

There was a small boy who was given a bike for his birthday. Just what he had hoped for. He practised at home before venturing out and kept falling off at first. He was impatient to show it to his friends, so off he went. They all inspected it and gave it the thumbs up. He felt so proud because he was now one of them. It was alright at first, but then he lost control and fell off, badly scraping his knee. It hurt, but what really hurt was that they laughed at him and taunted him. When he got home he kept quiet about it and put some sticking plaster over the wound.

For several days he didn't use his bike or play with the boys, because he didn't want to get hurt again. His knee was painful, so he put more plaster on it and tried to forget about it. The trouble was, it got so inflamed he realised it had to be seen to. In trepidation he asked his father to see to it. He thought he would be told off, but instead, he put him on his knee, gently removed the plaster and bathed it clean, removing any grit and dirt. He then placed some special ointment on it. He felt better already. His father seemed to understand what it was all about and reassured him that it would take a while to learn to ride it properly and he would help him. "Just you wait until you show the other boys!" he said.

Isn't this how it can be for many of us, where there is pain just below the surface. Some of us may even have a well of pain deep down that goes back a long way. We may not have been hurt physically, but may have been abused emotionally in some way, words of condemnation may have been spoken over us perhaps.

If it stays hidden it can begin to spread and fester and affect our lives in a disabling way. It can also lead us into unresolved anger or unhelpful behaviour patterns in trying to maintain the status quo. It stops us living to the full and reaching our potential. There comes a time when we know it has to be seen to.

Our heavenly Father is just waiting for us to bring it out for Him to look at. He will then put us on His knee and bathe the wound, remove the impurities and make it better. He will also give us words of encouragement to move forward.

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Songs 2:14 New International Version

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Don't Bottle Up Your Anger

Depression appears in many guises and varies from mild to severe or chronic and can have a downright disabling effect upon our lives. No wonder it's called the big 'D' and is reported as one of the main reasons for absenteeism from the workplace.

There seems no simple answer, but I have come to the conclusion that a common cause of depression is repressed and unresolved feelings, especially anger. In our anger we may either verbally hit out to hurt others and spoil relationships or keep it in, bottle it up where it can fester and hurt us, causing emotional and even physical symptoms.

There were things happened to me in childhood that gave me every right to be angry, but I was brought up to be a 'good boy' believing that it was wrong to feel anger. So I grew up to believe the lie, that 'nice men don't get angry!' This impression was even bolstered by what I saw in some churches, as if there was a cardboard cutout image for Christians. But that's just not real, men - and woman too - do get angry. I didn't want to be a 'nice man' I wanted to be a real man, the person God had made me to be, and real men and women do get angry. It's what we do with it that matters.

Over the years I have learned to get in touch with my feelings. To own the anger, take responsibility for it and deal with the root cause with Jesus. There is a tremendous freedom in knowing that it's OK to feel angry and helps us to live with other people's anger. Another thing I found out is that there is a positive side to anger, it can be creative.

Whenever I start to feel down now, I try to look at the 'trigger' to see where it came in and deal with that issue. I don't always get it right and am still learning.

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." Harriet Learner, "The Dance of Anger," 1985

"A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy as an old shoe are generally of little worth." Charles Spurgeon, British Baptist Preacher

"Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry - but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry." Ephesians 4:26 The Message Bible

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Where is my Father?

“My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me.” Psalm 27:10 Good News Bible

My father was over the moon with joy when I was born. He called me his ‘little chippy’ - a chip of the old block! Desiring the best for me, he did all he could, sometimes sacrificially. You can ask no more than that from anyone. But as I grew into boyhood he became more distant. That wasn’t how he wanted it. But because of his buried grief and shutdown feelings, there was no emotional bonding between us. As he said, much later in life, “I’m just not made that way!”

He wasn’t there when I needed him most, when I was hurting inside. I wanted him to put his arms around me and tell me it was all right. I needed to know what he was feeling and thinking and what he was afraid of. That he felt the same as me. As it was, I concluded that it was wrong to have feelings of fear and guilt. My response was to hide them away.

It was much later, in my thirties, that I came to know a God who is all-powerful and mighty, but bends right down to hear our heart whisper. It was only then, after I knew it was safe, that I dared take a risk. I allowed those same feelings to surface and experienced Father melt away the fear and and lift off the guilt and shame.

My earthly father is long gone. I have nothing but love for him and am left with some really good childhood memories.

It still touches me deep inside, when I realise what a loving heavenly Father I have. A God who longs to Father us and be to us what we need.

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Living your Dream

"To him who by means of his power working in us is able to do so much more than we can ever ask for, or even think of:" Ephesians 3:20 Good News Bible

"... because God is always at work in you to make you willing and able to obey his own purpose." Philippians 2:13 Good News Bible

We have just returned from a short break in the countryside, a delayed birthday treat. Because my wife has a disability and my energy is limited, we had to lean heavily on God for his enabling. We saw it as an adventure. He didn't disappoint us, as we were blessed on every turn, far more than we could have imagined. Also, being relaxed and away from routine, we were particularly open to what God might show us.

I found a children's book on the hotel bookshelves. It was a fascinating story about a family who had an unfulfilled dream. The loss of the father's job acted as a catalyst for their decision to buy a boat and sail around the world. They embarked on an adventure into the unknown, that was to change their lives for ever.

It really spoke to me and touched in on my own sense of adventure. I want to be open to all the opportunities God puts my way and saw this as a prompt from God, to check things out with Him.

These are my thoughts today:

As Christians, we say that all we want is to do God's will, but surely we need to discover what that means for us. He wants us to get in touch with our own hearts and discover our desires, the longings he has put there.

We could start by asking ourselves: "What do I really want to do or be, more than anything else in the whole world? What do I have a passion for?" The answer may link to yearnings that have been hidden away since childhood and stifled by life's pressures and burdens.

Moving out on a dream, going for 'gold,' may be risky, but if God put the desires there, He will provide all that is necessary for them to come about. It may be a choice of staying in a comfortable rut or living life to the full. There may be a time of waiting patiently upon God, until the time comes to make the first step. That takes courage, but even that comes from Him.

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Child Play

“I assure you that whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." Mark 10:15 GNB

During childhood there’s born in each of us a sense of wonder, beauty and adventure. I discovered however that this spark can be dimmed or submerged under years of daily routine and life’s pressures.

I asked a friend what he would do if given a whole day just for himself. After considerable thought he was stumped for an answer. Another, when asked what he did for recreation, replied that as a Christian he’d died to all that sort of thing! I was puzzled by his reply and felt sad, as I thought I could join him in a common pursuit.

I once made a list of things I really liked doing. Simple things like rowing a boat, paddling in rock pools, messing with paints, playing the piano, flying a kite, blowing the seeds off a dandelion head ... I reached twenty items and as I kept writing, tears began to flow. I had touched in on a need. I hadn’t experienced some of those things since childhood.

I decided to work through the list and hired a mountain bike on the High Peak Trail, a disused rail track in the hills of one of our National Parks. I felt self conscious at first; as a vintage learner with expert youngsters looking on. That was soon forgotten though, as I cycled through a tunnel and rattled through ravines. I paused on a viaduct to admire the panoramic view and was overcome with joy. It was as if Father God, ‘my Daddy’ was smiling with me all the way. It was powerful stuff, helping to rekindle my God-given heart desire.

Your list may be different to mine, but don’t lose the spark from childhood.

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Words that Hurt

“But no one has ever been able to tame the tongue. It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8 GNB)

When I was at school, we used to shout out, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will not harm me,” in reply to hurtful playground taunts. It just was not true of course. Words spoken over us, especially when we were children, can stay with us and have a negative, disabling effect in later life. Sometimes the words don't have to be spoken, but can be picked up from the attitude of parents, teachers and those in authority.

Here are just a few of my examples from my childhood: “Big boys don’t cry;” led me to think that it was wrong to even say, I was hurting, let alone cry. “You are no good at art;” was picked up from a school teacher. Years later I would hold a pencil, longing to draw, but not knowing what to do, because I might fail. “It’s my fault, there must be something wrong with me;” picked up from the family “atmosphere.”

It was only after I became a Christian, that I understood the extent of what was going on. I realised there was a solution and I could do something about it. After I had forgiven the people concerned, in my heart, I renounced those lies and released myself from the hold they had over me.

As a result I began to be freer in my feelings and have probably filled several buckets with tears. I started to paint with the help of a good tutor and have since exhibited some oil paintings. The false guilt was lifted and I began the journey of finding out who I really was in God.

Now, if words come to me, that have the potential to hurt, I try to remind myself what is really true. What God says about us, the truth in His Word, always brings freedom.

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