Father and Fathering

I have a great love for my father, even though he died years ago. I have some warm memories of him, especially the times spent watching him at work in his woodshed. It was because of him, that I became competent in practical things, such as carpentry, gardening and photography.

However, as I grew out of boyhood I found him distant. I was unable to bond with him physically or emotionally. Just when I needed him most, he wasn't 'there' for me. There were times I needed a comforting arm around my shoulders, as if to stay, "it's all right, I understand." I wanted to know what he was feeling, so I would know what it was like to be a man, but his emotions were locked away. I sensed he was angry inside and at one time, even thought it could be my fault. It was only many years later, that I discovered his heart had been broken and he had covered over his grief.

My father did his very best for me, at times sacrificially. What more can you ask of a man? However, this left me growing up into maturity, with a disabling emotional 'wound.' I buried the feelings, compensated for the lack - as you do - and got on with my life.

Many years later, when facing the challenges of marriage, relationships and parenthood, the pain began to surface. Eventually, with help at first, I moved from denial into facing the pain and feeling the feelings with Jesus. This was a slow process, in which I discovered that Father God longs to father us in the way we need, no matter what kind of upbringing we have had. And in a way I don't understand, He can even show us motherly qualities.

Now, if you identify with any of this and are aware of such pain, then ask the Holy Spirit to bring it to the surface, so that He can take the pain away and replace it with His love. It could help - and this is just a suggestion - to do something like writing a letter as if it was from your father. Write down the things that you would just have loved to have heard him say to you and then look to Father God for His answer.

"My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me." Psalm 27:10 Good News Bible