Who is Normal?

All our young grandchildren are a delight, but there is one who is special. She has been diagnosed as being just within the ‘autism spectrum!’ That is the 'label' she has been given, as if to explain away her uniqueness. We refuse to accept such a label. She is who she is. For the first two or three years of her life her hearing was impaired. This disadvantage has been corrected and with encouragement and some heartache she is finding her own way through.

She is gifted and talented and we are proud of her.She has a vivid imagination and lives life to the full, can be very sensitive and often takes the lead in group play. But just now and again she will ask a question or do or say something a bit quirky, outside what would normally be accepted as the social norm for the given situation. But who are we to dampen the tremendous spirit she has, there could be a potential genius in the making. In reality, it's often the sort of thing she does, that many 'normal' adults may wish they could do or say, but keep quiet in case they may offend - or feel shamed?

This makes me wonder, what is normal, who is normal?

In many group situations whether, business, office, club and especially in some church and Christian fellowships, there is an expected way of behaviour and way of doing things. But sometimes this expectation to conform can be confining and stunt progress. Daring to be different may rock the boat and there will be pressure - real or perceived - to conform. I once overheard a conversation regarding a club member, "she's not really one of us!" I don't know, but perhaps 'she' was just a bit different and some were finding that 'difference' embarassing or maybe it revealed their own longing or inner pain.

Most of us in some way or another are 'dysfunctional, and haven't yet realised the full potential we have in Christ. We are instructed in the Bible to lay down our lives, for the sake of the wider 'community', but before we can lay down our lives we need to 'get a life.' It's Father who shows us who we really are, if we ask, and as we are all work in progress, we need to accept the differences in our midst.

So I urge us to do two things:

Go all out to follow the individual path God has for us and discover what we are made for even if this means living with other's misunderstanding.

and

accept and embrace the differences in those around us.

"For the body itself is not made up of only one part, but of many parts. -- As it is, however, God put every different part in the body just as he wanted it to be. There would not be a body if it were all only one part! As it is, there are many parts but one body. So then, the eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" Nor can the head say to the feet, "Well, I don't need you!" 1Co 12:14-21 New International Version

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Eye to Eye

We have five delightful grandchildren. Each one is unique and we love them equally.

One of our granddaughters is a beautiful, spirited and adventurous little girl. She started out in life however, with a slight impairment, in that she had ‘muffled’ hearing. Once this was diagnosed as ‘glue ear’ and treated, a whole new world opened up for her. It did however contribute to a communication difficulty. It wasn’t always apparent, but often she would retreat into a world of her own.

Her caring parents did all they could to help her with this. One of the ways they used, was when they needed to talk with her, they would say ‘eyes!’, meaning ‘look at me, look into my eyes!’ They knew then that they would have her attention and would be able to hold a meaningful conversation.

When we look into Father’s eyes, we are immediately arrested by two things. Firstly: we experience a look of total unconditional love and acceptance. Secondly: we feel that He can see right inside us, our heart is laid bare. We cannot hide and we just want to tell it how it is.

I feel shaky inside Father
Not sure about the future
Don’t about tomorrow
or how I will make out
The only thing I’m certain about
is now, right now
just being with you
I feel safe.

You warm my heart my son
Trust me
I’ll work miracles for you
I’ll move heaven and earth for you.

"- open your eyes and see-- how good GOD is. Blessed are you who run to him." Psalm 34:8The Message Bible

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Seems Familiar?

I've always thought I was reasonably discerning and perceptive. I certainly find it helps in making decisions and judgements and avoiding all kinds of pitfalls. It's also an indispensable tool for counsellors and there are numerous examples of Jesus himself exercising discernment.

I am aware though, that there is a shadow side to the gift, the other side of the coin. It's called criticism, with the danger of becoming judgemental.

Perhaps I may think that Mary is a little scatty, has her head in the clouds a lot of the time and needs to be more grounded in reality? What about Jim down the road? He's a bit of a wimp, sort of wishy-washy and tends to be a people-pleaser. He needs to be a real man, find out who he really is and stand on his own two feet.

Now how do I know that? Because that's how I have been. I've been the same and it's still a weak area of mine. That means I'm no different to them. We're just the same. That's how I recognise their problem. What a sobering thought!

Why am I being so hard on them? If I'm being hard on them, I'm being hard on myself. If there is something about them that I don't like, then perhaps I don't like and accept the same thing in myself?

Perhaps there's a need to talk with Jesus about this, so I can love my neighbour as myself?

Next time you have thoughts about a Jim or a Mary, go easy on them, it could be you!

"It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbour." Matthew 7:5 The Message Bible

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Vive la Difference!

We’ve just returned home from a delightful week, staying with one of our families and enjoying time with our grandchildren.

They are all so different; each one so unique! The eldest is fearless, loving and so talented and enthusiastic. I can just picture her as an actress on the stage or an Olympic ice skater. Her sister is more of an academic and I can already see the beginnings of a teacher in her, possibly? The little one is so quick to learn and is picking up much by copying her older sisters - the good and not so good! She is already displaying a determination and independence. They get on well together, but occasionally the spectre of jealousy raises its head to spoil the harmony.

We are pleased to see that although their parents are bringing them up with love and discipline, at the same time they are encouraging and nurturing their individuality and special talents. I just pray that as they grow up, their adventurous spirits will not be crushed. Also, I hope they will resist the peer pressures to conform, so that they will dare to become the people that God has made them to be.

Isn’t it like this within the Church? As Christians we all have the same heavenly Father and are treading the same journey of faith. We are all going the same way, but because we are all different, we walk along parallel paths of discovery. Sometimes, other church members may feel threatened by such individuality and there may be a perceived pressure to conform. Some leaders may even feel their positions threatened by this apparent threat to the status quo.

Rather than feeling fearful of such people, we should embrace the difference that makes up the whole. We don't have to copy each other, or even agree, but we do need to love and accept.

Vive la difference!

"We have many parts in the one body, and all these parts have different functions. In the same way, though we are many, we are one body in union with Christ, and we are all joined to each other as different parts of one body." Romans 12:4-5 Good News Bible

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He Told Me Everything I Ever Did!

The story of Jesus's conversation with the "Woman at the Well" has always fascinated me. It is not only an account of how Jesus can meet with us at our point of need, but also a model of how we can relate to others and pass on the love of Christ that we have received.

I particularly note the following:

1. He met her where she was, carrying out her everyday basic routine. Mostly such encounters will not be in a church building or at an altar call, but in the market place of life, when we least expect them.

2. Even though she wasn't "one of them" and had every expectation to experience rejection, he showed and demonstrated total acceptance. It may be relatively easy to love someone we like. But it is a challenge to show unconditional compassion to someone on the fringes of society or someone we may even have reason to dislike. Surely, our deepest need is to be accepted?

3. He made himself vulnerable by asking her to do something for him, making her feel needed. So often we feel we have to do something to gain someone's attention.

4. He identified with her and boldly spoke of the Good News in a way she could receive. I believe it's a gift to be able to explain spiritual truths without compromise and without resorting to religious gobbledygook.

5. Jesus engaged and identified with her, saw what was on her heart and spoke to her 'condition'. If we are in tune with Father and have any compassion, the Holy Spirit will reveal to us what we need to know.

6. She was given new hope for the way forward and was so overwhelmed by what she heard that she went to tell others.

"Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me everything I ever did." John 4:39 New International Version

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The Father's Love

The Father's love comforts
us when all seems dark and hopeless

The Father's love heals
us when we are hurting and wounded

The Father's love befriends
us when we are lonely

The Father's love accepts
us just as we are

The Father's love carries
us when we don't know which way to turn

The Father's love empowers
us to live beyond ourselves

The Father's love invites
us to follow Him into the unknown

The Father's love transforms
us into the person he made us to be

The Father's love encourages
us to fulfil the desires he put there

The Father's love waits
for our response

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you." John 15:9 New International Version

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Listening to Others

Before I begin I must make two things clear. Gravy is the brown liquid that's made from meat juices, stock and gravy browning, that you pour onto your roast beef. Custard is that peculiarly British concoction made from yellow powder and milk that you pour onto your pudding or desert. I'm not keen on either.

I found the family Sunday lunch as a boy was usually a stressful time. My mother who had slaved away in the kitchen to produce the feast hovered anxiously, wondering if it would meet with my father's approval and my little sister squirmed in her seat as she wouldn't eat her greens. Once my father had complained about the roast and the knife and had finished carving, he would settle down to tuck in. It was his habit to read the Sunday newspaper, eat and carry on a conversation, all at the same time. This particularly Sunday he was so engrossed in this multi-tasking, that when he reached out for the gravy he took hold of the wrong jug and poured custard on his meat. I was aware of the tension around the table, even thinking it could be my fault and couldn't get down soon enough. Don't worry, I have had prayer for this.

The point of the story is that, when we are listening to someone, they deserve our full attention. That chance meeting may seem inconvenient, but it could be God-arranged. Just for a moment we may need to forget our busy schedule and set aside our own agenda. Nothing else matters except that person in front of us.

I am so aware that I need to put myself out of the frame and avoid the temptation to come in quickly with my own experience. There may be no need to speak or answer, but just listen with my heart and mind. I know that on the occasions when I have been listened to, when what I said was accepted without question and there was a degree of tuning-in and understanding, I left feeling warmed and valued.

This is one of the greatest gifts we can give another. I also believe this is one of the greatest needs within the world, our communities and in the church, but sadly it's also one of the greatest lacks.

Let's give this precious gift today!

“The first duty of love is to listen.” Paul Tillich

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill

"Are you listening to this? Really listening?" Mark 4:23 The Message Bible

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