It's Lonely In Here!

I wrote this very personal piece some years ago, when I was catapulted into chronic fatigue and loneliness that defied a human solution.


Whereas before, I was aware of the presence of God, it felt He had gone - this was my own Dark Night of the Soul.


I knew I had to trust Him to take me through the chasm of pain to the other side and that He did over a period of several months.

It’s lonely in here, very, very lonely
as if I’m the only person
in the whole wide world
and I’m frightened and hurting
I feel so helpless
I want to go back to how it was before, but I can’t
I want to escape, to run away.

Where are you God?
You seem so far away!
Why have you left me all alone?

In reality he is close
not the feeling, but the real thing
Jesus kneeling at my feet
“What would you have me do for you?”
What a God! at my feet!
Waiting patiently for the word
Waiting, waiting…
Yes, yes Lord, but .. but I need a lifeline
but yes, yes Lord, yes!

And as the yes’s and the trusting grew
and except for the odd backward glance,
the journey entered upon,
standing empty in the barren desert,
feeling the feelings with Him
I remind myself
He will not let me down,
He will not let me be tempted more than I can bear
and …

as my eyes become accustomed to the darkness
I find beauty to behold,
diamonds and precious stones
hidden behind the pain,
memories that heal and not hinder,
heart to blessed heart
words of love
the pain starts to lift
and the anxieties start to melt away.

Until the time when I feel His embrace
- and do you know
it can actually hurt to be loved!
But Lord don’t stop.

Is this the end?
no, it’s just the beginning.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 New International Version

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Parallel Paths

We’ve not long returned home from a delightful week, staying with one of our families and enjoying time with our grandchildren.

They are all so different; each one so unique! The eldest is fearless, loving and so talented and enthusiastic. I can just picture her as an actress on the stage or an Olympic ice skater. Her sister is more of an academic and I can already see the beginnings of a teacher in her, possibly? The little one is so quick to learn and is picking up much by copying her older sisters - the good and not so good! She is already displaying a determination and independence. They get on well together, but occasionally the spectre of jealousy raises its head to spoil the harmony.

We are pleased to see that although their parents are bringing them up with love and discipline, but at the same time they are encouraging and nurturing their individuality and special talents. I just pray that as they grow up, their adventurous spirits will not be crushed. Also, I hope they will resist the peer pressures to conform, so that they will dare to become the people that God has made them to be.

Isn’t it like this within the Church? As Christians we all have the same heavenly Father and are treading the same journey of faith. We are all going the same way, but because we are all different, we walk along parallel paths of discovery. Sometimes, other church members may feel threatened by such individuality and there may be a perceived pressure to conform. Some leaders may even feel their positions threatened by this apparent threat to the status quo.

Rather than feeling fearful of such people, we should embrace the difference that makes up the whole. We don't have to copy each other, or even agree, but we do need to love and accept.

Vive la difference!

"We have many parts in the one body, and all these parts have different functions. In the same way, though we are many, we are one body in union with Christ, and we are all joined to each other as different parts of one body." Romans 12:4-5 Good News Bible

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The Hidden Life - 1

I used to be centre stage,
on the front line for all to see.
I felt wanted, stimulated, fulfilled
and even, dare I say - successful.
After all, I had letters of thanks and praise
and a lapel badge displaying my role.
So you'd be right in thinking.
I was just a touch proud.

Then came a long painful transition --

I'm still on the front line of battle.
But now I go mainly unnoticed, unseen and
except for the occasional lingering backward glance,
it doesn't matter anymore,
because He sees all.
He is where we belong.
He is where we find satisfaction.
He is all we need.
That's all that matters.
I'm learning that all we need is Him.
Something inside is dying so that I may live.

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:3 New International Version

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