Turning Point

I had been doing well in my battle with chronic fatigue, but I reached a plateau and wasn’t progressing. In fact I had found that particular summer extremely difficult and much of the time I was in a fog of fatigue and finding it very wearing. My wife and I had booked to attend a Christian seminar and although it involved a long journey, we decided to go anyway, believing we were meant to be there, although not sure why.

On arrival we discovered the schedule was quite intensive, with more talks than we expected. By the second day I found the only way I could deal with the stream of information was to snuggle into an armchair with my eyes half closed, but my spiritual ‘antennae’ out and look interested - business meetings had trained me for that. An extra session had been squeezed in before lunch, on forgiveness. Nothing new here, so I snuggled down deeper, but suddenly I was wide awake and alert. I asked the speaker to repeat her last sentence. “There are sometimes when we need to forgive God.” This was new to me. Forgive others, receive forgiveness and forgive myself, yes, but forgive God? Where does that come?

I later talked this through with the speaker and over the coming days found space to look at this alone with Father. I found myself saying something like this: “Father I’m not sure whether I can take anymore, I’m battered and worn out. You’ve promised to help me, strengthen and even heal me, but you are doing nothing. How much longer? What more do you want me to do? What do you want - blood?” This opened the floodgates and the realisation that I was angry and even worse, I was angry with God, for allowing me to suffer. Please don’t mention Job!

As I worked this through with Father - and the amazing thing is that He, my Daddy, took it all and I believe was even smiling - I saw that He wasn’t holding me back, but was waiting for me! I ended up seeing things from a fresh new perspective, with a changed attitude, and was more trusting and surrendered without being passive.

To think that I had to go all that way to get in touch with those buried feelings, which proved to be a catalyst, a turning point for me. The battle moved on to a new phase.

I believe God wants us to be real with Him so that He can be real with us. It’s not head-to-Head, but heart-to-Heart.

“All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.” Psalm 73:14 Today’s New International Version

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Christian Healing - 6 Corporate

There is often so much emphasis on the individual’s walk with God, we can forget there is a corporate or community dimension.

From time to time we hear testimonies to healing. It’s there all right, but in dribs and drabs. But I have often wondered why the evidence of healing isn’t more widespread. I would like to see an avalanche. After all Jesus said that if we abided in Him we would do what He did and even more! There may be many reasons for this lack, but I think one reason is because of unbelief and disunity within a church, group, area local or a whole nation. It’s like God holds back the floodgates, waiting for our response?

On the other hand I have experienced from time to time, in small gatherings or groups, - but not much recently - where there was a real honest openness to God and to each other, that the Holy Spirit descended upon us tangibly, touching and moving everyone present. I believe this is the environment, the atmosphere that gives God the freedom to act powerfully.

I only have to walk down the street to see the need on people’s faces. It’s unmistakable. Our response can be to pray inwardly for each person we meet. I have also found that when in conversation I offer to pray for them, it is nearly always welcomed. I should do it more often, because God anoints boldness. There have been times occasionally when it is received with indifference or rejection. Like the time when I was so moved by a man I saw with both legs in plaster, that I asked if he would like me to pray with Him. He refused most strongly and angrily, but I noticed as he was speaking he could not look at me. Maybe he was still in shock and perhaps I was a tad insensitive, but I know that in His love God will not let him forget that time. I leave the outcome to Him.

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. - For there the LORD bestows his blessing - ” Psalm 133:1-3

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 New International Version

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Christian Healing - 4 Discernment

God is always speaking to us, if only we are open to listen. It will always be in accord with His Word, but in a way that is right for each of us individually. There is every reason to believe therefore, that He will speak to us when we are sick.

Some refer to God’s healing as a mystery, but there is no mystery in that God heals today, as it’s written in His Word. All we have to do is believe. What we don’t know is how and when God brings this into fruition within us so that it is evident. Some healing seems to be almost immediate, in others it happens gradually over time and others are waiting for years. Healing may be a process, but it’s not a procedure, but in the context of a intimate loving relationship.

There was a time when I was listening to and praying for others and more or less followed the same pattern. This seemed to work for while, until I realised that I had to listen to God and learn to flow with what the Holy Spirit was doing. Discernment is essential. After all, Jesus only did what ‘he saw His Father doing.’ So I am always wary when I hear someone giving the impression that, ‘this is how it is done or this is the pattern!’

I believe that as we progress in our Christian walk He is more and more concerned for our relationship with Him and our whole well-being. He knows us better than we know ourselves and sees the Big Picture. He knows the future plans He has for us. It may be that our attitude or behaviour pattern is getting in the way and He may want to deal with that first. To use a simple example: if I am banging my head against a brick wall harming myself, I may take painkillers to stop the headache. But God doesn’t want us to keep popping the pills, but deal with the root cause. Again, if we harbour unforgiveness against someone, especially towards our parents, we may need to forgive before we can receive the healing.

What I am trying to say, is that we need to believe, but God may have something to say to us in our situation, there may be steps for us to take before we can receive. God is full of surprises and loves us too much to leave us where we are.

"He told me everything I ever did." John 4:39

"Our Father in heaven: - may your Kingdom come; may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. - - If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you.” Matthew 6

"There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." 1 Corinthians 12:6 New International Version

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Stretched Beyond Ourselves

Have you ever gone through a period when you felt you just couldn’t take any more?

My wife has had a chronic illness for a long time and over the years the disabling effect has slowly become more progressive. On top of this I was eventually diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (M.E.). All this changed the direction of our lives. In our stumbling and reaching out to God in the difficulties, there were benefits. We came to know more of a marvellous God and experience His provision, enabling, healing and love in remarkable ways. We began to discover who we really were and in the long term this also brought my wife and I closer together. I’m sure this wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

In recent years I experienced two prolonged periods, where I was stretched far beyond what I felt I could cope with physically, emotionally and mentally. Looking back I can see similarities.

Each time I was tipped outside the boundaries of my comfy little world, into a situation that was totally foreign to me. I was frightened and initially I wanted to escape. However, within me there was a determination to see it through, whatever that meant. I desperately needed His understanding and clung to Jesus as never before.

As the months passed, the emotional and mental pounding was relentless, making me wonder just how much more I could take. Alongside this, even though God seemed distant, He occasionally encouraged me in breath-taking ways. And just when I was sort of getting used to it, God moved in and the desolation lifted as suddenly as it came, with a feeling of tremendous relief and thankfulness.

Afterwards, I saw things from a different perspective. Life still wasn’t a bed of roses, but something had happened within me. I had tapped into resources way beyond myself and also had a realisation, that with Him, we can cope with far more than we realise.

I believe that God longs to raise the level of the game and draw us out of our independent do-it-yourself attitudes, into a total dependence upon Him. This is the Abundant Life.

This is what Oswald Chambers says:

“A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says - ‘I cannot stand any more. God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands. For what have you need of patience just now? Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. - - - The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvellous things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power.” Our Utmost for His Highest.

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.” 1Corinthians 10:13 The Message Bible

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From a Brass-bound Stump

Because of her disability, my wife 'brings her garden inside' and is a dab hand with house plants. I never cease to marvel how she can grow beautiful plants from just a piece of leaf. One of her pride and joys is a magnificent maidenhair. With it's feathery green fronds, it has centre stage in our living room.

That is, until we returned home from a few days away, to find that some of it's leaves were turning brown. She realised if it continued like that, it could whither away and die, so drastic action was called for. She had to be cruel to be kind.

The stems were cut down to within an inch of the pot and the whole thing repotted in new soil. It must have been very uncomfortable for that plant to start with, as nothing seemed to be happening. I wondered if it was dead, but my wife knew better. Several weeks later, a tiny green shoot appeared and now we have the makings of a brand new maidenhair, looking fresher, greener and livelier than ever.

When we experience loss, we can be catapulted into a potentially painful scenario. Whether the loss of employment or health, bereavement, an accident, financial difficulty or whatever, it can leave us bewildered, even devastated. We may feel the whole situation is out of our control and that part of us is dying. Initially we may be in disbelief and want to escape from the situation and get back to what was. But as we adjust to the different 'soil' and yield to God and allow the Gardener to gently tend us, we begin to see the opportunities for growth and new life.

We may not be like King Nebuchadnezzar who suffered a period of mental anguish, before God restored him, but we may feel we have been cut back to a 'brass-bound stump.' However, we can be assured that as we look to God, we will come through. Things won't be the same, part of our life may have died, but there will be a new flow of God's life in us.

"Cut down the tree and trim off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field." Daniel 4:14-15 New International Version

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Giving From Where We Are

What would I say to someone in distress? What would I do, if I was in a hurry, but I could see that they were hurting inside?

Such 'God opportunities' always seem to come when I least expect them! But I hope that I would have the grace to lay aside my 'important' agenda and give them my whole attention. As a Christian I believe that I have something special to give, but at the same time I have to stay within my limits. It's no good trying to give what I have not yet received or I would be in danger of trying to 'fix' their problems with empty words.

I always think that to quote Scripture at someone may not be helpful. To say "Jesus loves you," may fall on deaf ears, especially if my own experience of God's love is lacking. My lack of compassion will be obvious. Similarly, if I quote to someone who has recently lost a loved one, "God uses all things to the good -" may not be appropriate. On the other hand, if I have 'been there' and identify with their suffering, it will show.

There are two things I am very sure of:

To listen is a wonderful thing. By this I mean, to put myself out of the picture and really listen to what a person's heart is saying and hopefully hear what God says about it. This can be a really healing gift to someone who is hurting. Also:

I have found that an offer to pray simply with someone is powerful and nearly always well received. I know I should do this more often.

Be bold and sensitive and give what we have.

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple - Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. - Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Acts 3:1 New International Version

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Blossoming Through Difficulty

It's now June and I suppose I can now go out without a coat? That is if the old English saying "Ne'er cast a clout 'ere May is out!" is true? I only recently discovered that this has nothing to do with the months of the year, but refers to the May blossom. It was early this year and we had an abundance. The blossoms appeared as usual, on the bare leafless branches of the blackthorn and were a welcome and beautiful sight in spring.

Some while ago, I went through a very difficult period. Medically I wasn't sure what was happening. On top of that, the work I was involved with came to an end and I seemed to have lost any sense of being. For a while I was unable to drive and later on my walking was restricted. With all these 'props' removed, I found it all very depressing and bewildering and experienced what I called a mini-breakdown.

However, as I got used to the blackness and devastation and kept reaching out to God, He blessed me and reassured me of His presence in ways that I could never have dreamt of. Months later, after He had brought me through, I just knew He had done something concrete inside me. I began to experience a closer walk with Father and discovered talents that had remained dormant for a long time. I doubt whether any of this would have happened otherwise.

It seems that sometimes, God allows us to experience being stripped bare, to draw us closer to Him and to experience His promise, that if we put our trust in Him, we will blossom in a new way.

"He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendour." Isaiah 61:1-3 New International Version

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Knocked Down But Not Out!

Our steep seaside garden abounds in foxgloves. Although there were fewer this year, they promised to be the best ever. Their tall erect spikes looked magnificent with their purple flowers. The blooms at the base were already well formed and as the name implies, you can fit your finger tip into their delicate freckled inner.

However, torrential rain and high winds swept through our garden last weekend, while we were away. We returned home to find the foxgloves bent and flattened down to the ground, with their best blooms blown away. They looked a sorry site. My first instinct was to call it a day, pull them up and throw them on the compost heap. I decided however, to wait to see what might happen. Within a day or so, all the spiky ends of the stems had bent round, reared up, and reached for the sky. In the warmth of the sun, the remaining flower buds are already opening up. The plants don't look the same, but they have a beautiful new gracefulness, as if to say "We are not going to take it lying down, we will show you!"

We may get knocked down, flattened and battered by life's events. Perhaps a calamity, death of a loved one, serious illness or financial loss. Whatever it is, the effect upon us can be overwhelming and devastating. We may feel we'll never get through, we're finished, it is just too hard to go on. But as we look to God in our numbness, as we take the hand of Jesus, already reaching out, hope starts to rise. Slowly, as we express the pain within, we begin to be warmed and strengthened by the Son and flourish again.

Sooner or later we will be able to lift our heads and stand tall. We will not be the same, but in looking back, we will know we have come through and have discovered something new and beautiful.

Someone once remarked to me, that with Jesus, we don't fall down, we fall UP!

"He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendour." Isaiah 61:1-3 New International Version

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Bind Us Together?

Years ago I read "Miracle on the River Kwai *," a gripping book that made a considerable impression upon me. It was a true account of life in a prison camp on the infamous Death Railway in Burma during World War 2. In the midst of the hellish, disease-ridden, tortuous conditions, prisoners were bound together with love, forgiveness, sacrifice and faith. This 'church' triumphed over the evil and persecution that was their daily experience.

I have not know this kind of suffering, but have known from time to time, the kind of fellowship between those of us who have experienced brokenness of one kind or another. This is the kind of fellowship that transcends denomination, forms of worship or institutional structure. It is a 'oneness' that is very precious.

I have sung the chorus, "Bind us together Lord -" many times, with feeling. But you cannot make that sort of unity happen, you have to want it. On one occasion we had been discussing teaching on the Biblical reference to being built together as 'living stones.' One person remarked "I don't think I want to be built with you lot!" There was a tinge of humour in the remark, but I valued their openness and honesty in having the courage to say what was also on my mind.

In some areas, churches have got together to hold 'united' services or activities. I am sure there is value in that, but I don't believe that unity can be organised. In truth God has already made the provision - we are one in Jesus Christ - and it is He that does the gathering. We can only enter in, to the degree that we have allowed Jesus into our lives and responded in obedience.

Real unity is hard work and involves opening our lives to God and one another, a willingness to face confrontational issues, putting our wishes to one side for the sake of the 'community' and exercising a degree of acceptance and forgiveness which 'they' do not deserve.

Perhaps we should sing "Bind us together Lord - but go easy on us!"

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:3 New International Version

* I believe the book may have been republished by Zondervan.

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Troubles, Strife and Hardship

The last two years have been difficult for my wife and I, having to find a way through accidents, illness, loss and disability. God brings us through one thing and then there is another! This has made me consider how I view suffering, trials and hardship.

Theologically the answer would depend upon what we mean by suffering I suppose. Whether we mean the usual kind of life's events like illness, loss and tragedy or unavoidable suffering because we are Christians or persecution by others. Suffering has been the subject of countless debates and books and I leave the outcome to the experts and theologians.

I will just give my brief offering in what I see to date:

People have told me that it's character-building. Not the sort of thing I would say to someone in the midst of a hard time. But I can look back and see that I am different. I have found out more who I really am and discovered things I couldn't do before. Whether I've changed for the better I leave to others to decide, although I know it has burnt a lot of the pride out of me.

It is always His promise to bring us through to a better place in Him, provided we look to Him. Looking back I know this to be true. It's just the 'going through' that can be tough and rocky. I cannot honestly say when I am in the thick of it, that I readily say, 'count it all joy,' but I would praise God in knowing that He knows what He is doing.

One thing that is absolutely clear is that it has the potential to draw us closer to God and experience more of His love for us. I doubt very much whether I would have discovered what I have so far without the hardships that focussed my attention on God. Also there have been times, when in the midst of hardship I have been surprised by intense blessings from God. For these reasons alone I can honestly say, that although there have been times when I felt like throwing in the towel, I am thankful because of all the benefits. Benefits in the here and now and for all eternity, that far outweigh the trials.

"And this small and temporary trouble we suffer will bring us a tremendous and eternal glory, much greater than the trouble. For we fix our attention, not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever." 2Corinthians 4:17-18 Good News Bible

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