A Double Portion

Years ago I attended a conference led by a minister with an international healing ministry. All week I sat at the front riveted by what was being taught and especially what I witnessed. I said to God, that although I wanted to be me and not a copy of anyone else, I wanted what that man had got. Believing it to be a God-given desire, I even asked for a double portion - twice what he had. I felt God was saying it would be granted, but it would have to be in His way and in His time- it was conditional. I also left the conference confident of the direction of any future ministry and got on with my family and working life.

Fast forward a number of years and I was flowing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and in counselling and ministry. I felt fulfilled and dare I say it, successful? There was a problem though. The work was widening and snowballing and as I took on more I was drying up and giving out from empty. I was suffering, my wife was missing out and I soon realised I was headed for burnout and eventually illness took hold.

I had to let go of much of what had given me fulfilment and so began a prolonged period of wrestling with my condition and seeking God for understanding. Initially in painful desolation, but slowly moving into healing and even more slowly, redirection.

A friend in the village once remarked that my wife and I had 'slipped off the edge of the table.' Meaning we were outside of much of the usual church and social activities. She was right and we had struggled with it at first, but more than anything we wanted to be at the centre of God’s will for us. In anycase, most of what my wife and I do is not seen by others, it is hidden. At the start of this time someone with a prophetic ministry said to me that they felt God was saying that I was going to be “Busy, busy - in God’s service!” I was a little bemused, as God seemed to be doing just the opposite, but I hid it in my heart.

The sense of how God wants to use my wife and I is greater now, but we are less sure of the how and what and when, so we leave it to him. One thing for sure, is that we are totally reliant on Him and have to take each day as it comes, looking for his direction and enabling. We are expectant, but we don’t use that word ‘ministry’ anymore - we have exchanged it for intimacy.

What have I learnt so far? That God wants us to think big. He wants those godly desires brought to fulfilment and that He anoints boldness. Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing and if we are to do the same, we need to be in tune with Father. Also I have to be very sure of one thing: the power is God’s and not mine. We walk in the natural in obedience and He does the supernatural. Surrender is paramount and for some of us this can almost take a lifetime.

All very simple, but not easy, but more than worth it - and writing this has left me thoughtful.

“- Elijah said to Elisha, "Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?" "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,"” 2 Kings 2:9

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.” John 14:12-13 New International Version

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