A Christian’s heavenly journey with his feet on the ground. Treasures shared that are discovered along the way.
Please note that this blog has now moved to: "Senior Eagle walking with Father"

Saturday, February 07, 2009

A Double Portion

Years ago I attended a conference led by a minister with an international healing ministry. All week I sat at the front riveted by what was being taught and especially what I witnessed. I said to God, that although I wanted to be me and not a copy of anyone else, I wanted what that man had got. Believing it to be a God-given desire, I even asked for a double portion - twice what he had. I felt God was saying it would be granted, but it would have to be in His way and in His time- it was conditional. I also left the conference confident of the direction of any future ministry and got on with my family and working life.

Fast forward a number of years and I was flowing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and in counselling and ministry. I felt fulfilled and dare I say it, successful? There was a problem though. The work was widening and snowballing and as I took on more I was drying up and giving out from empty. I was suffering, my wife was missing out and I soon realised I was headed for burnout and eventually illness took hold.

I had to let go of much of what had given me fulfilment and so began a prolonged period of wrestling with my condition and seeking God for understanding. Initially in painful desolation, but slowly moving into healing and even more slowly, redirection.

A friend in the village once remarked that my wife and I had 'slipped off the edge of the table.' Meaning we were outside of much of the usual church and social activities. She was right and we had struggled with it at first, but more than anything we wanted to be at the centre of God’s will for us. In anycase, most of what my wife and I do is not seen by others, it is hidden. At the start of this time someone with a prophetic ministry said to me that they felt God was saying that I was going to be “Busy, busy - in God’s service!” I was a little bemused, as God seemed to be doing just the opposite, but I hid it in my heart.

The sense of how God wants to use my wife and I is greater now, but we are less sure of the how and what and when, so we leave it to him. One thing for sure, is that we are totally reliant on Him and have to take each day as it comes, looking for his direction and enabling. We are expectant, but we don’t use that word ‘ministry’ anymore - we have exchanged it for intimacy.

What have I learnt so far? That God wants us to think big. He wants those godly desires brought to fulfilment and that He anoints boldness. Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing and if we are to do the same, we need to be in tune with Father. Also I have to be very sure of one thing: the power is God’s and not mine. We walk in the natural in obedience and He does the supernatural. Surrender is paramount and for some of us this can almost take a lifetime.

All very simple, but not easy, but more than worth it - and writing this has left me thoughtful.

“- Elijah said to Elisha, "Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?" "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,"” 2 Kings 2:9

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.” John 14:12-13 New International Version


  1. Tamela's Place said...

    i am 43 years old and i am just now getting to the place where i believe i have learned to surrender somewhat, i still have a ways to go. You are indeed right when you say that for some Surrender can take a lifetime... But God is so merciful, patient and longsuffereing toward us and i am so thankful to Him for that, maybe this is why he gives the average human being 75 years because by then they get it! :)

  2. wayfarerjon said...

    I had better get a move on then!!

  3. ploosh said...

    This is powerful and timely.I have recently been to a debt counselling seminar with the chance to actually do the job.This would be on tuesday nights from 6 to 9.30 but as I have to get up at 4am I was wandering round with a troubled heart.I finally dropped the desire and I now feel free of that worry.It all has to fit in with family,job etc and it is easy to get sucked off the narrow path through success,which in most cases we all crave.God bless you for this message,can I reprint it on Mikes Blogs ?. Mike.

  4. wayfarerjon said...

    I'm glad you found something in this post that speaks to your situation Mike. By all means copy this post in your blog, provided you give credit and link to my blog.

  5. Mike said...

    This speaks to me so much and reminds me that our 'ministry' is HIS ministry, and we may not know where He is taking us. Sometimes though, it's hard to give up things when you don't understand why. Thanks so much for your honest post.

  6. dadtalk said...

    It is always reassuring, in many ways, to see that you are not the only person who has been through these trials. Mine lasted for seven years and I have been walking in intimacy with Him for the last few years. Even then, I still find myself getting in the way much too often. I think that is why it is called a journey and not a ride. Blessings
    Dave http://dadtalk.wordpress.com

  7. wayfarerjon said...

    I think we can call this 'the fellowship of suffering!'

  8. AProvisionOfGod.com said...

    I've wrestled with the surrender issue for a while. I can't say that I've arrived but hopefully I'm further along than I used to be. I occassionally think it would be easier if He just told me why. Thing is sometimes He does and I still can think of other ways to get "it" done without my giving in to His will.

  9. wayfarerjon said...

    In my experience surrender is a continual process. It seems that God puts His finger on just one thing and when that is surrendered, He moves onto the next. Having said that I believe we come to a place when we live a surrendered lifestyle.