Turning Point

I had been doing well in my battle with chronic fatigue, but I reached a plateau and wasn’t progressing. In fact I had found that particular summer extremely difficult and much of the time I was in a fog of fatigue and finding it very wearing. My wife and I had booked to attend a Christian seminar and although it involved a long journey, we decided to go anyway, believing we were meant to be there, although not sure why.

On arrival we discovered the schedule was quite intensive, with more talks than we expected. By the second day I found the only way I could deal with the stream of information was to snuggle into an armchair with my eyes half closed, but my spiritual ‘antennae’ out and look interested - business meetings had trained me for that. An extra session had been squeezed in before lunch, on forgiveness. Nothing new here, so I snuggled down deeper, but suddenly I was wide awake and alert. I asked the speaker to repeat her last sentence. “There are sometimes when we need to forgive God.” This was new to me. Forgive others, receive forgiveness and forgive myself, yes, but forgive God? Where does that come?

I later talked this through with the speaker and over the coming days found space to look at this alone with Father. I found myself saying something like this: “Father I’m not sure whether I can take anymore, I’m battered and worn out. You’ve promised to help me, strengthen and even heal me, but you are doing nothing. How much longer? What more do you want me to do? What do you want - blood?” This opened the floodgates and the realisation that I was angry and even worse, I was angry with God, for allowing me to suffer. Please don’t mention Job!

As I worked this through with Father - and the amazing thing is that He, my Daddy, took it all and I believe was even smiling - I saw that He wasn’t holding me back, but was waiting for me! I ended up seeing things from a fresh new perspective, with a changed attitude, and was more trusting and surrendered without being passive.

To think that I had to go all that way to get in touch with those buried feelings, which proved to be a catalyst, a turning point for me. The battle moved on to a new phase.

I believe God wants us to be real with Him so that He can be real with us. It’s not head-to-Head, but heart-to-Heart.

“All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.” Psalm 73:14 Today’s New International Version

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Christian Healing - 3 Wholeness

I believe Jesus came to set us free as a whole person, so healing includes not just for the body, but emotional, mental and spiritual. They are all linked.

In fact unresolved emotions can have a disabling effect. For example: I used to suffer from a kind of panic that I called claustrophobia. It meant that I avoided, if possible, going into any enclosed space, such as a lift (elevator), the London Underground (Subway) or any situation where I wasn’t in control. I was eventually healed of this by facing the scary feeling with Jesus. It was soon put to the test. When landing after a crowded transatlantic flight, the plane’s exit doors refused to open.

Buried feelings, like anger for example, if not taken responsibility for and resolved, can even erupt in other ways such as physical illness.

These ‘wounds’ may be rooted in a past trauma and need courage to allow Jesus into that painful place. We may need help at first from an experienced prayer minister or prayer counsellor. Either way, it’s in intimacy with Jesus that healing takes place, so all the ‘minister’ will be doing really is bringing us into God’s presence and allowing the Holy Spirit to do His healing work.

He will meet with us at our point of need.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23

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Don't Bottle Up Your Anger

Depression appears in many guises and varies from mild to severe or chronic and can have a downright disabling effect upon our lives. No wonder it's called the big 'D' and is reported as one of the main reasons for absenteeism from the workplace.

There seems no simple answer, but I have come to the conclusion that a common cause of depression is repressed and unresolved feelings, especially anger. In our anger we may either verbally hit out to hurt others and spoil relationships or keep it in, bottle it up where it can fester and hurt us, causing emotional and even physical symptoms.

There were things happened to me in childhood that gave me every right to be angry, but I was brought up to be a 'good boy' believing that it was wrong to feel anger. So I grew up to believe the lie, that 'nice men don't get angry!' This impression was even bolstered by what I saw in some churches, as if there was a cardboard cutout image for Christians. But that's just not real, men - and woman too - do get angry. I didn't want to be a 'nice man' I wanted to be a real man, the person God had made me to be, and real men and women do get angry. It's what we do with it that matters.

Over the years I have learned to get in touch with my feelings. To own the anger, take responsibility for it and deal with the root cause with Jesus. There is a tremendous freedom in knowing that it's OK to feel angry and helps us to live with other people's anger. Another thing I found out is that there is a positive side to anger, it can be creative.

Whenever I start to feel down now, I try to look at the 'trigger' to see where it came in and deal with that issue. I don't always get it right and am still learning.

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." Harriet Learner, "The Dance of Anger," 1985

"A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy as an old shoe are generally of little worth." Charles Spurgeon, British Baptist Preacher

"Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry - but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry." Ephesians 4:26 The Message Bible

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