Peeled Bananas

Oh the joys of doing the weekly shop. My wife and I go together. With a trolley each, we start at opposite ends of the supermarket and compare notes when we meet in the middle. While deliberating over my purchases I often notice a lone husband on his cell phone to his wife - presumably , “Darling, which sort of cornflakes did you say?” while I smugly work through my list.

I’ve long realised that a degree of detective work is needed in the supermarkets. Often, at first sight, the contents of the packages and cans may not always live up to the expectations of the outside labels. For example “Pure natural blossom honey?” What does that mean? ‘Honey’ yes, but doesn’t all honey come from blossom and is there such a thing as ‘unnatural’ honey? That leaves ‘pure’, which I take it to be a euphemism for ‘honey blended from various sources and heat treated.’ What is ‘farm fresh corn-fed chicken’ supposed to mean? Are they reared in batteries, deep litter, free range and are they organically reared? So what you see isn’t always what you expect.

All very mundane. But are we real and open to people and God , WYSIWYG like a peeled banana? Do they see us as we really are?

This was brought home to me the other day, when during a good-humoured exchange with a friend, he said “You are a top bloke, but when I first knew you years ago, you were a bit stuck up!” He had a point. I used to be very closed and not in touch with my feelings that much. I’ve changed since, a process that is ongoing.

I remember in my second year as a shy boy in high school, a teacher wrote in my annual report, “I wish he would come out of his shell.” Sounds a bit like a tortoise or a snail! I did emerge as I grew up, but there were certain sides of me that were unconsciously kept well hidden , perhaps because of shame or false guilt. By adulthood I already had coping mechanism in place to deal with this deficiency.

The problem is, being closed separates. It can be a barrier to open communication and conversation stays mainly from the head and not the heart. Of course, if we are closed to people we will also be hiding those areas from God. The solution is to invite Jesus into those hidden hurting areas of our life and find freedom to be ourselves, which as I discovered is an ongoing process.

“- by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:20 New International Version

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Pen of a Ready Writer

My wife and I have been invited to a special birthday celebration for the wife of a couple that were very much a part of our Christian walk 10 to 15 years ago. They asked us if possible to bring a photograph of us taken at the time when we first met.. In a search for the dates I reached for one of my old prayer journals.

I kept a very full journal in those days and as I read I became engrossed in all the detail. It spoke of struggles and stumbling and of lots of Christian activity. There was also a common thread running all the way through, of being drawn into intimacy with Father.

This led me on to considering where I am with the Lord now, after all those years. I was both encouraged and challenged.

I have ‘moved on’ since then and am more surrendered and settled inside, with less hang-ups, but still aware of some of the old persistent weaknesses lurking at times. In other words I am more aware of who I am and free to be me. The old difficulties are in the past; I’ve just got a whole load different ones and more so. This means I am much more reliant on Jesus than ever. The challenge is greater. But this is the main difference - He means more to me now than ever, He is all I need.

I just want to be wholly available to Him and be the ‘pen of a Ready Writer.’

It does help to look back with Father now and again and consider and take stock.

Where are you now?

"My tongue will be the pen of a ready writer
And what the Father gives to me I'll sing
I only want to be His breath
I only want to glorify the King"
from “I Hear the Sound of Rustling”
by Ronnie Wilson

“My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

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Facing the Fears

Mummy was expecting another baby and her toddler was taken far away to live with an aunt he didn't know. The aunt was a capable mother, but she was very strict. The little boy was used to sleeping with the door open and a dim light by his bed, but he wasn't allowed a light and the door was closed. Everything seemed very strange and he was frightened and wanted his mummy. After three weeks he was taken home, but he never really understood why he was sent away.

Several years later, whilst he was lying on the floor in the kitchen, a pan of boiling water on the range was overturned. His arm took the full force. He didn't cry, but his mother screamed and panicked. They were taken by a friend to the hospital, where he lay in shock. They didn't encourage visitors and he was very lonely. They turned the lights out at night and he was frightened. After several weeks he was released home. He had a nervous tic, but no one knew why.

It was so scary he certainly didn't want to go back to that place. He worked it out that somehow it must have been his fault, so provided he was a good boy he wouldn't be sent away again. This way of seeing things took hold into manhood. There were times, especially if he sensed a confrontational situation, when he thought it better to say what was expected. Deep down he was afraid that if he spoke out what was really in his heart, they may get angry and even reject him. So fear was getting in the way of him being his real self.

I leave you to work out who the little boy was, but I only tell this story to show how fears can take hold of our lives and partly disable us. This was about the fear of rejection, but trauma and fears come in many forms and we cope in different ways.

When we become Christians the love of Christ comes in to us, and the potential for change is available to us. As God highlights what is really happening in our lives and we dare to face the fears and open ourselves to His truth, we enter into more freedom. The emotion of fear is part of us and can have positive results. Fear can also be destructive and disabling, but the more we immerse ourselves in Father's love, it melts away.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 New International Version

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