A Christian’s heavenly journey with his feet on the ground. Treasures shared that are discovered along the way.
Please note that this blog has now moved to: "Senior Eagle walking with Father"

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Turning Point

I had been doing well in my battle with chronic fatigue, but I reached a plateau and wasn’t progressing. In fact I had found that particular summer extremely difficult and much of the time I was in a fog of fatigue and finding it very wearing. My wife and I had booked to attend a Christian seminar and although it involved a long journey, we decided to go anyway, believing we were meant to be there, although not sure why.

On arrival we discovered the schedule was quite intensive, with more talks than we expected. By the second day I found the only way I could deal with the stream of information was to snuggle into an armchair with my eyes half closed, but my spiritual ‘antennae’ out and look interested - business meetings had trained me for that. An extra session had been squeezed in before lunch, on forgiveness. Nothing new here, so I snuggled down deeper, but suddenly I was wide awake and alert. I asked the speaker to repeat her last sentence. “There are sometimes when we need to forgive God.” This was new to me. Forgive others, receive forgiveness and forgive myself, yes, but forgive God? Where does that come?

I later talked this through with the speaker and over the coming days found space to look at this alone with Father. I found myself saying something like this: “Father I’m not sure whether I can take anymore, I’m battered and worn out. You’ve promised to help me, strengthen and even heal me, but you are doing nothing. How much longer? What more do you want me to do? What do you want - blood?” This opened the floodgates and the realisation that I was angry and even worse, I was angry with God, for allowing me to suffer. Please don’t mention Job!

As I worked this through with Father - and the amazing thing is that He, my Daddy, took it all and I believe was even smiling - I saw that He wasn’t holding me back, but was waiting for me! I ended up seeing things from a fresh new perspective, with a changed attitude, and was more trusting and surrendered without being passive.

To think that I had to go all that way to get in touch with those buried feelings, which proved to be a catalyst, a turning point for me. The battle moved on to a new phase.

I believe God wants us to be real with Him so that He can be real with us. It’s not head-to-Head, but heart-to-Heart.

“All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.” Psalm 73:14 Today’s New International Version

8 comments :

  1. Epiphany said...

    Thank you for posting this one. VERY good post.

  2. Greg said...

    His plan is always better than whatever we can come up with. We may have times when we want to scream out, "What are you thinking???" But that's just it: He's already thought it through and worked out a plan, before the beginning of all things! "Chill," He tells us, "I'm all over it!" :)

  3. Epiphany said...

    LOL, love your wording Greg. True!

  4. Finally Free said...

    I, too, struggle with chronic fatigue and multiple food allergies. If I eat the wrong thing I can be bedridden for days. Thanks for sharing. I totally relate to travel. It can be exhausting. I have struggled with the "why" of it also. I have had CF since my early twenties. I am doing better now. Thanks for visiting my blog.

  5. wayfarerjon said...

    Thank you both for your comments. It sounds from your comments Greg that maybe you have been 'there?'

  6. wayfarerjon said...

    Thanks 'Finally Free'I understand what you are saying and will pray for you. Forgive me but I seem to have lost the link to your blog - perahps you could refresh my memory.

  7. Tammy Sandidge said...

    I am kind of new to this whole blogging thing. I saw my link on the side of your blog. The address is tammycounsels.blogspot.com is the address. "Finally Free" is the title.

  8. wayfarerjon said...

    Many thanks - sorry, I hadn't connected the two names.