Peeled Bananas

Oh the joys of doing the weekly shop. My wife and I go together. With a trolley each, we start at opposite ends of the supermarket and compare notes when we meet in the middle. While deliberating over my purchases I often notice a lone husband on his cell phone to his wife - presumably , “Darling, which sort of cornflakes did you say?” while I smugly work through my list.

I’ve long realised that a degree of detective work is needed in the supermarkets. Often, at first sight, the contents of the packages and cans may not always live up to the expectations of the outside labels. For example “Pure natural blossom honey?” What does that mean? ‘Honey’ yes, but doesn’t all honey come from blossom and is there such a thing as ‘unnatural’ honey? That leaves ‘pure’, which I take it to be a euphemism for ‘honey blended from various sources and heat treated.’ What is ‘farm fresh corn-fed chicken’ supposed to mean? Are they reared in batteries, deep litter, free range and are they organically reared? So what you see isn’t always what you expect.

All very mundane. But are we real and open to people and God , WYSIWYG like a peeled banana? Do they see us as we really are?

This was brought home to me the other day, when during a good-humoured exchange with a friend, he said “You are a top bloke, but when I first knew you years ago, you were a bit stuck up!” He had a point. I used to be very closed and not in touch with my feelings that much. I’ve changed since, a process that is ongoing.

I remember in my second year as a shy boy in high school, a teacher wrote in my annual report, “I wish he would come out of his shell.” Sounds a bit like a tortoise or a snail! I did emerge as I grew up, but there were certain sides of me that were unconsciously kept well hidden , perhaps because of shame or false guilt. By adulthood I already had coping mechanism in place to deal with this deficiency.

The problem is, being closed separates. It can be a barrier to open communication and conversation stays mainly from the head and not the heart. Of course, if we are closed to people we will also be hiding those areas from God. The solution is to invite Jesus into those hidden hurting areas of our life and find freedom to be ourselves, which as I discovered is an ongoing process.

“- by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:20 New International Version

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Turning Point

I had been doing well in my battle with chronic fatigue, but I reached a plateau and wasn’t progressing. In fact I had found that particular summer extremely difficult and much of the time I was in a fog of fatigue and finding it very wearing. My wife and I had booked to attend a Christian seminar and although it involved a long journey, we decided to go anyway, believing we were meant to be there, although not sure why.

On arrival we discovered the schedule was quite intensive, with more talks than we expected. By the second day I found the only way I could deal with the stream of information was to snuggle into an armchair with my eyes half closed, but my spiritual ‘antennae’ out and look interested - business meetings had trained me for that. An extra session had been squeezed in before lunch, on forgiveness. Nothing new here, so I snuggled down deeper, but suddenly I was wide awake and alert. I asked the speaker to repeat her last sentence. “There are sometimes when we need to forgive God.” This was new to me. Forgive others, receive forgiveness and forgive myself, yes, but forgive God? Where does that come?

I later talked this through with the speaker and over the coming days found space to look at this alone with Father. I found myself saying something like this: “Father I’m not sure whether I can take anymore, I’m battered and worn out. You’ve promised to help me, strengthen and even heal me, but you are doing nothing. How much longer? What more do you want me to do? What do you want - blood?” This opened the floodgates and the realisation that I was angry and even worse, I was angry with God, for allowing me to suffer. Please don’t mention Job!

As I worked this through with Father - and the amazing thing is that He, my Daddy, took it all and I believe was even smiling - I saw that He wasn’t holding me back, but was waiting for me! I ended up seeing things from a fresh new perspective, with a changed attitude, and was more trusting and surrendered without being passive.

To think that I had to go all that way to get in touch with those buried feelings, which proved to be a catalyst, a turning point for me. The battle moved on to a new phase.

I believe God wants us to be real with Him so that He can be real with us. It’s not head-to-Head, but heart-to-Heart.

“All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.” Psalm 73:14 Today’s New International Version

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Christian Healing - 3 Wholeness

I believe Jesus came to set us free as a whole person, so healing includes not just for the body, but emotional, mental and spiritual. They are all linked.

In fact unresolved emotions can have a disabling effect. For example: I used to suffer from a kind of panic that I called claustrophobia. It meant that I avoided, if possible, going into any enclosed space, such as a lift (elevator), the London Underground (Subway) or any situation where I wasn’t in control. I was eventually healed of this by facing the scary feeling with Jesus. It was soon put to the test. When landing after a crowded transatlantic flight, the plane’s exit doors refused to open.

Buried feelings, like anger for example, if not taken responsibility for and resolved, can even erupt in other ways such as physical illness.

These ‘wounds’ may be rooted in a past trauma and need courage to allow Jesus into that painful place. We may need help at first from an experienced prayer minister or prayer counsellor. Either way, it’s in intimacy with Jesus that healing takes place, so all the ‘minister’ will be doing really is bringing us into God’s presence and allowing the Holy Spirit to do His healing work.

He will meet with us at our point of need.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23

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Flight or Fight?

I thought of calling this post "The Great Escape," because when the going got tough I used to get going. When I was faced with a conflict situation, where I felt threatened, I often looked for an escape route.

When things became difficult in our church we tried another one, only to find they had problems of their own. Work was always highly pressured, so it was easy to defer a difficult decision until later and still be seen to be working hard. In relationships, I tended to avoid any clash of opinion or disagreement.

The ultimate was the house move. The situation at home was trying, transport for our children was getting difficult and we seemed to have reached stalemate in our community. We decided therefore, to sell up and move to the next town and make a fresh start. But try as we might, we couldn't make it happen. As our arrangements for sale and purchase kept falling through, I became desperate.

I needed to hear from God. Perhaps there was something we weren't seeing? That's when we realised we would take our problems with us. It would be a different location, but once things had settled down, there would still be the same lessons to learn. It was only after we decided to stay put, that we saw things in a new light and slowly, very slowly, our circumstances began to change, difficulties eased and we saw no reason to move.

So what was I running from? I came to see that it wasn't people or things or even events that I was scared of, but the feelings within myself. I was afraid how I would cope with others' anger or even my own and then there was the fear of failure. Over the years, I faced these ogres with Jesus and began to find freedom, as I saw myself from God's perspective.

It is still a weak area for me and I may still procrastinate from time to time, but I am learning that:

We have a choice to run away or stay and fight.
If we run away we don't grow.
When we take the first step in faith to face the fears/situation/problem, God steps in and we have as good as won.

"David thought to himself, “One of these days I’m going to be swept away by the hand of Saul! There is nothing better for me than to escape to the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will despair of searching for me through all the territory of Israel and I will escape from his hand.” 1 Samuel 27:1 New English Translation

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Facing the Fears

Mummy was expecting another baby and her toddler was taken far away to live with an aunt he didn't know. The aunt was a capable mother, but she was very strict. The little boy was used to sleeping with the door open and a dim light by his bed, but he wasn't allowed a light and the door was closed. Everything seemed very strange and he was frightened and wanted his mummy. After three weeks he was taken home, but he never really understood why he was sent away.

Several years later, whilst he was lying on the floor in the kitchen, a pan of boiling water on the range was overturned. His arm took the full force. He didn't cry, but his mother screamed and panicked. They were taken by a friend to the hospital, where he lay in shock. They didn't encourage visitors and he was very lonely. They turned the lights out at night and he was frightened. After several weeks he was released home. He had a nervous tic, but no one knew why.

It was so scary he certainly didn't want to go back to that place. He worked it out that somehow it must have been his fault, so provided he was a good boy he wouldn't be sent away again. This way of seeing things took hold into manhood. There were times, especially if he sensed a confrontational situation, when he thought it better to say what was expected. Deep down he was afraid that if he spoke out what was really in his heart, they may get angry and even reject him. So fear was getting in the way of him being his real self.

I leave you to work out who the little boy was, but I only tell this story to show how fears can take hold of our lives and partly disable us. This was about the fear of rejection, but trauma and fears come in many forms and we cope in different ways.

When we become Christians the love of Christ comes in to us, and the potential for change is available to us. As God highlights what is really happening in our lives and we dare to face the fears and open ourselves to His truth, we enter into more freedom. The emotion of fear is part of us and can have positive results. Fear can also be destructive and disabling, but the more we immerse ourselves in Father's love, it melts away.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 New International Version

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Dysfunctional Families

We had lunch with friends the other day and shared childhood memories. I said that I experienced some emotional trauma as a child and was left to develop my own ways of compensating and coping with it. My parents really loved and cared for me and really did their best, but I thought ours was a dysfunctional family. Our friends' view was that most families are dysfunctional in some way, which made me think.

When we marry, both partners are in many ways incompatible. They may be a strong love for each other, together with common interests. But because of the differences, there is a lot of working out to do in the relationship. This will be just the same when children come along. However, the family is a God-arranged 'institution' to provide the ideal environment to shape us and bring us to maturity.

I list below a few suggestions of the ideal requirements for a functional family. I stress that this is not a complete list and it is ideal:

• Both parents are present and available and demonstrate their love for each other openly and healthily.
• The children receive affection vocally, by touch and with eye contact.
• That communication is free and open.
• There is a listening environment, with the freedom to express emotional pain and fears, without condemnation or shame.
• The children are disciplined - I don't necessarily mean physical correction - in love with listening and full explanation.
• There are shared family activities.
• Children are increasingly encouraged to be themselves and not copies of their parents.
• There is affirmation and validation of the children's femininity or masculinity, by word and example.

I should think the same applies within the Christian family, the Body of Christ.The difference is, there are not the same blood ties and so we have the choice to avoid confrontational people or painful situations. On the other hand, because we have the same heavenly Father, the ties are even stronger and more powerful. There's the potential for a healthy family and loving relationships, where the members can find healing, fulfilment and discover their purpose in life.

"God sets the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6 New International Version

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Listening to God

There's a friend of ours who, when enquiring how we are, often says "Things may be difficult, but are you moving?" By that he doesn't mean moving house, but moving with God. Are we working with what he is showing us in our circumstances and growing in the heart knowledge of His love and wisdom.

There have been periods in my life when I have felt stuck, when nothing seemed to be happening and the everyday problems and the humdrum loomed large. I wanted to hear from God but nothing came and God seemed to be nowhere.

The problem was with me of course. I had taken the back seat, not God. God was speaking, but I was just not hearing. There could be at least two reasons for this. I was not giving God the priority in my life that He deserves and seeking His heart response to me. Someone once said to me that he knew the Bible through and through and there was nothing new for Him. I felt very sad. He was a very intelligent man and had a tremendous knowledge in his head, but at that time his heart was closed to God. God's Word stands for all time and does not change. But if we are open to hear, He is always saying something new to us, that speaks right into our situation.

Maybe we don't hear because we are not in touch with our own hearts. This could be because we have closed an area of our lives to God or because we are just not in touch with our own feelings. When I have been in this situation I have given the Holy Spirit full permission to move me in those shutdown areas and emotions. His response has often been to heat up my spirit in a way as never before and get me focussed on Him. What I eventually hear may not be what I expect, it may be joyful or challenging, but it's always in love and always agreeing with His Word. This brings life and thrills me to the core.

It's good to be on the move again. It's life-changing.

"He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says - " Revelation 2:11 New International Version

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Where is my Father?

“My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me.” Psalm 27:10 Good News Bible

My father was over the moon with joy when I was born. He called me his ‘little chippy’ - a chip of the old block! Desiring the best for me, he did all he could, sometimes sacrificially. You can ask no more than that from anyone. But as I grew into boyhood he became more distant. That wasn’t how he wanted it. But because of his buried grief and shutdown feelings, there was no emotional bonding between us. As he said, much later in life, “I’m just not made that way!”

He wasn’t there when I needed him most, when I was hurting inside. I wanted him to put his arms around me and tell me it was all right. I needed to know what he was feeling and thinking and what he was afraid of. That he felt the same as me. As it was, I concluded that it was wrong to have feelings of fear and guilt. My response was to hide them away.

It was much later, in my thirties, that I came to know a God who is all-powerful and mighty, but bends right down to hear our heart whisper. It was only then, after I knew it was safe, that I dared take a risk. I allowed those same feelings to surface and experienced Father melt away the fear and and lift off the guilt and shame.

My earthly father is long gone. I have nothing but love for him and am left with some really good childhood memories.

It still touches me deep inside, when I realise what a loving heavenly Father I have. A God who longs to Father us and be to us what we need.

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Words that Hurt

“But no one has ever been able to tame the tongue. It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8 GNB)

When I was at school, we used to shout out, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will not harm me,” in reply to hurtful playground taunts. It just was not true of course. Words spoken over us, especially when we were children, can stay with us and have a negative, disabling effect in later life. Sometimes the words don't have to be spoken, but can be picked up from the attitude of parents, teachers and those in authority.

Here are just a few of my examples from my childhood: “Big boys don’t cry;” led me to think that it was wrong to even say, I was hurting, let alone cry. “You are no good at art;” was picked up from a school teacher. Years later I would hold a pencil, longing to draw, but not knowing what to do, because I might fail. “It’s my fault, there must be something wrong with me;” picked up from the family “atmosphere.”

It was only after I became a Christian, that I understood the extent of what was going on. I realised there was a solution and I could do something about it. After I had forgiven the people concerned, in my heart, I renounced those lies and released myself from the hold they had over me.

As a result I began to be freer in my feelings and have probably filled several buckets with tears. I started to paint with the help of a good tutor and have since exhibited some oil paintings. The false guilt was lifted and I began the journey of finding out who I really was in God.

Now, if words come to me, that have the potential to hurt, I try to remind myself what is really true. What God says about us, the truth in His Word, always brings freedom.

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Throw them Overboard

“The violent storm continued, so on the next day they began to throw some of the ship's cargo overboard ..” (Acts 27:18 GNB)

Although I am no sailor, I have a love of boats and anything to do with the water. My wife and I often refer to one of our favourite paintings. It’s depicts an open sailing boat with an large orange mainsail, creaming along in a turquoise frothy sea. A couple - that’s us - are seated in the stern, relaxed and confident, looking into the sun, as they sail into the wide blue yonder.

It’s a beautiful picture and speaks to me of effortless adventure. The adventurers are fully yielded to God in complete trust. They are secure in the knowledge that He is in absolute control of their lives and will get them to their destination.

This idyllic scene can change when the weather turns stormy, the waves become threatening and fear knocks at the door of our hearts. If you are anything like me you may be tempted to make your own plans, just in case things don’t work out. This could be analagous to towing a lifeboat behind us and filling the boat with unnecessary cargo for comfort and life preservation. The problem with that is, it just serves to slow the boat down or at worst even sink it.

We can carry cargoes like old habits, old ways, giving importance to material possessions, anything that can take our eyes of the Master Mariner and water down our trust in Him. Let’s throw them overboard and cut free.

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