Peeled Bananas

Oh the joys of doing the weekly shop. My wife and I go together. With a trolley each, we start at opposite ends of the supermarket and compare notes when we meet in the middle. While deliberating over my purchases I often notice a lone husband on his cell phone to his wife - presumably , “Darling, which sort of cornflakes did you say?” while I smugly work through my list.

I’ve long realised that a degree of detective work is needed in the supermarkets. Often, at first sight, the contents of the packages and cans may not always live up to the expectations of the outside labels. For example “Pure natural blossom honey?” What does that mean? ‘Honey’ yes, but doesn’t all honey come from blossom and is there such a thing as ‘unnatural’ honey? That leaves ‘pure’, which I take it to be a euphemism for ‘honey blended from various sources and heat treated.’ What is ‘farm fresh corn-fed chicken’ supposed to mean? Are they reared in batteries, deep litter, free range and are they organically reared? So what you see isn’t always what you expect.

All very mundane. But are we real and open to people and God , WYSIWYG like a peeled banana? Do they see us as we really are?

This was brought home to me the other day, when during a good-humoured exchange with a friend, he said “You are a top bloke, but when I first knew you years ago, you were a bit stuck up!” He had a point. I used to be very closed and not in touch with my feelings that much. I’ve changed since, a process that is ongoing.

I remember in my second year as a shy boy in high school, a teacher wrote in my annual report, “I wish he would come out of his shell.” Sounds a bit like a tortoise or a snail! I did emerge as I grew up, but there were certain sides of me that were unconsciously kept well hidden , perhaps because of shame or false guilt. By adulthood I already had coping mechanism in place to deal with this deficiency.

The problem is, being closed separates. It can be a barrier to open communication and conversation stays mainly from the head and not the heart. Of course, if we are closed to people we will also be hiding those areas from God. The solution is to invite Jesus into those hidden hurting areas of our life and find freedom to be ourselves, which as I discovered is an ongoing process.

“- by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:20 New International Version

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Are We Ready

A friend of ours has died. We hadn’t known her many years, but we like her very very much. She was a really genuine person and we loved her.

My wife and I visited her in hospital a few days before she died. She was frightened and having difficulty breathing and longed to be out in the fresh air, back home amidst familiar surroundings. Our hearts went out to her as we so easily identified with her longing and the fear of letting go. We held hands and talked about Jesus and finally prayed with her, before leaving.

Jesus of course, came to set us free from the fear of death in all its aspects, so it’s best to face any fears while we can. I’m so glad of my experience some years ago, when Father led me into a situation where I had to deal with and come through the fear of loneliness and fear of death.

When I was younger I thought I was immortal, but physical death can happen at any time. It’s during this lifetime that we need to prepare in readiness. I had a conversation with an older acquaintance the other day and he spoke of wanting to die painlessly at a certain age. I replied that I will go when God decides I am ready to go and not until then. I don’t know what it will be like when I come to the final letting go, but hope that it will just be a continuation of being at peace in the presence of Jesus, to actually being with Him face to face.

Are we ready?

“Since the children, as he calls them, are people of flesh and blood, Jesus himself became like them and shared their human nature. He did this so that through his death he might destroy the Devil, who has the power over death, and in this way set free those who were slaves all their lives because of their fear of death.” Hebrews 2:14-15 New International Version

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Doom and Gloom

My favourite time of year is spring, when the countryside begins to sparkle with new life. It give me a real lift, so perhaps that’s why my favourite colours are blue and green.

Seems far away at the moment, with the shortest days and the coldest weather for a decade. On top of that, the media is full of reports from war zones, warnings of environmental disasters, global warming, fuel shortages and of course the dire worldwide financial situation. Almost daily we’re bombarded with accounts of major bank collapses, the housing market slump, house repossessions and famous companies going into liquidation. All this can fuel anxieties of losing our jobs, pensions and even housing. Add to this a bout of influenza and you have a recipe for doom and gloom.

If you have a leaning towards Seasonal Affective Disorder (the winter blues) or if like me, your personality type includes more than a touch of the melancholic, it is easy to drop into heaviness at this time.

What can we do about this? Be kind to ourselves, don’t watch TV or read the papers, go for a brisk walk, buy a light therapy lamp, visit friends or family, eat chocolate, read a good book, go and see the latest movie, see your doctor or counsellor, take a trip to a warmer country - ?

Maybe, some of this could be good advice? But before we begin a downward spiral, we could first of all take responsibility for any anxious thoughts, own up to any feelings and talk it through with Jesus. Remind ourselves Who is in charge of our lives, Who is our security, Who is our Provider, Who has our future in His hands, Who will never ever leave us, Who is totally faithful etc. And even, if again like me, you have a voice like a foghorn and are tone deaf, just praise God and make a joyful noise unto the Lord.

I realise there may be other issues involved - or you may really have lost your job - but I suggest you start here because it really works.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” Psalm 42:11 New International Version

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Going for Gold - 2

There was a time when some friends thought I was a bit closed up. They didn't always know what I was feeling and found it difficult to make heart contact with the real me. It used to bug some and once someone tried to break through the shell I had built around myself since childhood. That was probably saying more about their own agenda than my need, as it's not something we should attempt, but leave to the Holy Spirit.

The problem was that my 'head' was not fully connected to my 'heart.' There was however a longing within me that was so great that I wasn't sure I wanted to look at it. I was afraid of the emotions that would pour forth. But God loved me too much to leave me that way and heated up my spirit and increased the desire he had put there. He gave me a promise that He would make me, 'hard in the head,' but 'soft in the heart'. Over the years He gradually softened and melted away the shell. With occasional prayerful help from others, the layers of the 'onion' were removed, to reveal the vulnerable inner core.

I am aware that the longings within are the driving forces in my life, so I don't want these to go cold. I wish to live a surrendered lifestyle, but yielding to God is not wholly passive. It does not mean ignoring those very God-given desires. I am at peace with God, but the longing for more is even stronger. I have a desperate desire - a desire that risks all - for certain things to come about, that I believe God wants too.

Hannah - in the Bible - had a longing for a child. She could have said, 'this is as good as it gets,' but she couldn't ignore the deep longing within. I think she believed it was a God-given desire for her and her prayer became desperate. God answered her heart cry, which then helped change the course of history.

What is on your heart?

"Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard." 1Samuel 1:13 New International Version

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Our Reaction to Pain

There was a small boy who was given a bike for his birthday. Just what he had hoped for. He practised at home before venturing out and kept falling off at first. He was impatient to show it to his friends, so off he went. They all inspected it and gave it the thumbs up. He felt so proud because he was now one of them. It was alright at first, but then he lost control and fell off, badly scraping his knee. It hurt, but what really hurt was that they laughed at him and taunted him. When he got home he kept quiet about it and put some sticking plaster over the wound.

For several days he didn't use his bike or play with the boys, because he didn't want to get hurt again. His knee was painful, so he put more plaster on it and tried to forget about it. The trouble was, it got so inflamed he realised it had to be seen to. In trepidation he asked his father to see to it. He thought he would be told off, but instead, he put him on his knee, gently removed the plaster and bathed it clean, removing any grit and dirt. He then placed some special ointment on it. He felt better already. His father seemed to understand what it was all about and reassured him that it would take a while to learn to ride it properly and he would help him. "Just you wait until you show the other boys!" he said.

Isn't this how it can be for many of us, where there is pain just below the surface. Some of us may even have a well of pain deep down that goes back a long way. We may not have been hurt physically, but may have been abused emotionally in some way, words of condemnation may have been spoken over us perhaps.

If it stays hidden it can begin to spread and fester and affect our lives in a disabling way. It can also lead us into unresolved anger or unhelpful behaviour patterns in trying to maintain the status quo. It stops us living to the full and reaching our potential. There comes a time when we know it has to be seen to.

Our heavenly Father is just waiting for us to bring it out for Him to look at. He will then put us on His knee and bathe the wound, remove the impurities and make it better. He will also give us words of encouragement to move forward.

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Songs 2:14 New International Version

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Listening to God

There's a friend of ours who, when enquiring how we are, often says "Things may be difficult, but are you moving?" By that he doesn't mean moving house, but moving with God. Are we working with what he is showing us in our circumstances and growing in the heart knowledge of His love and wisdom.

There have been periods in my life when I have felt stuck, when nothing seemed to be happening and the everyday problems and the humdrum loomed large. I wanted to hear from God but nothing came and God seemed to be nowhere.

The problem was with me of course. I had taken the back seat, not God. God was speaking, but I was just not hearing. There could be at least two reasons for this. I was not giving God the priority in my life that He deserves and seeking His heart response to me. Someone once said to me that he knew the Bible through and through and there was nothing new for Him. I felt very sad. He was a very intelligent man and had a tremendous knowledge in his head, but at that time his heart was closed to God. God's Word stands for all time and does not change. But if we are open to hear, He is always saying something new to us, that speaks right into our situation.

Maybe we don't hear because we are not in touch with our own hearts. This could be because we have closed an area of our lives to God or because we are just not in touch with our own feelings. When I have been in this situation I have given the Holy Spirit full permission to move me in those shutdown areas and emotions. His response has often been to heat up my spirit in a way as never before and get me focussed on Him. What I eventually hear may not be what I expect, it may be joyful or challenging, but it's always in love and always agreeing with His Word. This brings life and thrills me to the core.

It's good to be on the move again. It's life-changing.

"He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says - " Revelation 2:11 New International Version

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The Three Stones

I was carrying out some clearance in the basement yesterday and found three stones that brought back memories.

It was a time when I was going through a difficult and painful patch. I went down to our beach that day, to try and sort out my feelings with the Lord. Sitting on a rock with my back against a fold in the cliffs, I reached out to God in my devastation. All I was aware of was the healing gentle sound of the surf as it rattled across the shingle. A peaceful scene, except I was far from peaceful inside.

I was just about to return home when I felt He said "Pick up three stones." Without thinking, I chose three at random; one smooth white one, another grey and rough and the third was large, misshapen and brown. He then said, "Choose one stone that represents you!" I know my Scriptures and thought I ought to choose the pure white smooth one. But this was a time to be real and honest, so I replied with trembling lips and feeling a little ashamed, "This large dirty - I used a stronger word than that - one, that's me!"

That's just how I felt at that moment, because I thought I had failed and messed up big time. Father impressed upon me right there and then that He knew how I felt and He accepted me just as I was and wanted me to do the same. In other words, agree with God and love myself in the right way. I frequented that rocky seat in the following weeks, surrounded by His love and let the reality soak in and take root, until I could move on into the new.

Now, I don't want you to think I have some hot line to God, but when you are desperate it sharpens things up, you are more open to receive and God uses the right way of getting through to us. He meets us where we are at and doesn't want us to hide our feelings from Him. When we get real with God, He gets real with us. We experience more of His love and discover who we really are in Him.

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." Song of Songs 2:14 New International Version

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life." Isaiah 43:4 New International Version

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