Going for Gold - 2

There was a time when some friends thought I was a bit closed up. They didn't always know what I was feeling and found it difficult to make heart contact with the real me. It used to bug some and once someone tried to break through the shell I had built around myself since childhood. That was probably saying more about their own agenda than my need, as it's not something we should attempt, but leave to the Holy Spirit.

The problem was that my 'head' was not fully connected to my 'heart.' There was however a longing within me that was so great that I wasn't sure I wanted to look at it. I was afraid of the emotions that would pour forth. But God loved me too much to leave me that way and heated up my spirit and increased the desire he had put there. He gave me a promise that He would make me, 'hard in the head,' but 'soft in the heart'. Over the years He gradually softened and melted away the shell. With occasional prayerful help from others, the layers of the 'onion' were removed, to reveal the vulnerable inner core.

I am aware that the longings within are the driving forces in my life, so I don't want these to go cold. I wish to live a surrendered lifestyle, but yielding to God is not wholly passive. It does not mean ignoring those very God-given desires. I am at peace with God, but the longing for more is even stronger. I have a desperate desire - a desire that risks all - for certain things to come about, that I believe God wants too.

Hannah - in the Bible - had a longing for a child. She could have said, 'this is as good as it gets,' but she couldn't ignore the deep longing within. I think she believed it was a God-given desire for her and her prayer became desperate. God answered her heart cry, which then helped change the course of history.

What is on your heart?

"Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard." 1Samuel 1:13 New International Version